Earlier this year, I was struggling with my body. My gender dysphoria is pretty rough lately. As a genderfluid person, sometimes I really dislike the feminine parts of my body. They seem to get in the way a lot.

I booked a boudoir session with Studio M Boudoir {autoplay music & slideshow in link} using a Groupon.

In the weeks before the shoot, I honestly thought of canceling and trying to reschedule. I’m really glad I stuck with it, though.

On the day of, I was excited, but not as much as I felt like I should be. I was crunched for time and nervous as all get out. Once I got to the studio, though, Melissa made me feel so at home.

I mean, it helped that she checked out this site, too. We talked about shared interests and job stuff both before and after the shoot. It was seriously a lovely time.

Here are some of my favorite pics from the shoot:

The others are butt pictures, and those stay here at home 🙂

Seeing these pictures now, I feel more confident in my gender identity. Some days, I may want to embrace my curves and be very feminine like Ariel (the Little Mermaid, who I seem to dress like often lately). Other days, I may hide all that under dark plaid shirts like the queer person I am.

From an illness standpoint, I’ve been dealing with a lot of pain lately. Because of that, it’s easy for me to hate parts of my body. I stop seeing them for what they are and what they bring and start seeing them for the pain they cause. On top of that, I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and feel unhappy about that at times.

It was really nice to be reminded that these parts of me can still be beautiful, can still be useful, and that being a curvy girl isn’t a bad thing.

Should you do a boudoir shoot?

It was an incredibly affirming experience. I really lucked out with Melissa and Studio M. I did a lot of research before using them and was surprised at how awesome they were, even then!

I recognize that I have a lot of privilege in being able to have had this experience, though. Shoots and then the photos themselves can be quite expensive.

I will say that, if it’s something you can afford, it can be very healing.

Have you ever done a boudoir shoot? What did you think?