“To realize our sexual freedom, our goal must be to infuse the dominant sexual culture with the richness of our own experience. We must celebrate our differences from those without disabilities. We must see that our differences in appearance and function which are the sources of our degradation also contain the seeds of our sexual liberation.”

From Barbara Faye Waxman’s “It’s Time to Politicize Our Sexual Oppression” in the March/April 1991 issue of The Disability Rag

It’s often thought that we have “more important things to deal with” than sex, which is portrayed as some sort of “luxury” item for us (The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability, pg 5). More and more often, we are infantilized or put into various sexual boxes that we don’t fit in.

The fact is that chronically ill and disabled people have sex. We can be sexual in a number of ways. Our sexuality ranges from asexual to pansexual and more. We may be uninterested in sex and relationships or we may be polyamorous.

Our partners might be abled or not. Like my husband, they might struggle with knowing how to help or

We’re sexy as fuck. Like the tagline of the site says, sexuality doesn’t depend on ability.

People who aren’t in our shoes aren’t used to what we face – worse yet, they may hold on to outdated ideas about sexuality and disability. Our providers don’t understand what we’re facing. They may fear addressing our sexuality or be ill-equipped to do so. After all, 54% of medical schools in the United States and Canada provide between 3-10 hours of sex education. Out of that, most of the education provided is around fertility and basic function (though the latter only usually for cis males).

As I write this post, I’m sitting in my hotel at the Playground Conference in Toronto. My time here has been wonderful, but perhaps the most impactful thing so far has been seeing other disabled people here.

At our panel yesterday, I felt like we were leading a sermon for our siblings dealing with this ish and for partners and loved ones who wanted to learn more. We got such thoughtful questions from our fellow peeps and allies alike that it was so affirming – affirming of the work I do, how much I talk about things, the vulnerability I try to show, and so much more.

It’s enough that I struggle to put it into words.

That’s why I talk about this. Because we deserve to be heard and understood.