Questions are coming in and I love it! I’ve been bad at responding to them, so here is the latest batch. Have a question you want to ask anonymously? Head over to AskFm to ask your own!

This is from AJ:

I let my boyfriend put only the tip of his penis in my vagina (like not even that much and for like a second) yet I started bleeding. It can’t be my periods as I don’t start for another 3 days and I’m not bleeding throughout the day. So does this mean I’ve lost my virginity??? (He was also fingering me before this when I wasn’t even wet yet so maybe it could be from that). I’m just very confused.

Vaginas can be really sensitive with interactions, especially if you haven’t been fingered or penetrated before. If you had a hymen, even if it was partially broken before, it could cause the bleeding. The breaking of the hymen is what we generally think of as losing virginity.* Fingering can cause microtears, especially if someone isn’t wearing gloves that cover their fingernails. Unfortunately, those microtears can collect bacteria from fingernails, hands, and more, leading to infections. Consider getting some gloves – and lube, which can reduce your risk for microtears, too – for your next round of finger fun. And make sure to snag condoms!

*Okay, soapbox time! Virginity is a social construct. When we think about it, we almost always think of women or vagina owners. Creating a clean versus unclean status, which is really what virginity is, makes it easy for men to categorize us. Seeing us as unclean is a way to shame us for having sexual freedom or enjoying pleasure. A hymen does not make or break virginity. Some people have hymens that have to be medically removed as they have no openings. Others have never had a hymen. It’s also easy to bust it doing mundane things like riding bikes or horses. Tldr; virginity was created by the patriarchy to keep us down. It isn’t real.

This is from JH:

This started happening 4 years ago. Before I had no issues with sex. I would either last for 30 minutes, occasionally 1 hour when I’m lucky or it ends briefly. I was ok with my sex life. But as of recently every time I’m getting busy it only last for 3 strokes or less. I thought maybe it was this girl but then the other girl I couldn’t even get it up the second my penis was getting there. When it’s coming to foreplay and blowjob there is no problem. I am afraid to date this girl because of this issue. And yes I been battling anxiety for years (since I was a kid) but it never did this to me. Somebody thought maybe I was turning gay, at one point I tried to watch gay porn to see if maybe that was it. It did nothing for me, it made me sick watching that shit. Anyone got any tips?

Oh this is a lot to unpack. Just because one kind of porn may not be something you enjoy doesn’t give you space to call it ‘shit’ or to act like it’s beneath you. That’s homomisic. I know it’s rooted in patriarchy, but being gay or queer or anything other than straight/heterosexual isn’t bad. I’m queer as fuck.

Okay, now, sex is an interesting thing. If you’re not having as much of it lately, it’s common for it to take less time for you to orgasm than it used to. It’s similar to a tolerance for pain that way. I highly suggest talking to a doctor. This could be nothing out of the ordinary. On the other hand, it could be a sign that you’ve got some unaddressed health issues – and some of those are dangerous. It could also be related to a medication or other treatment you’re on.