Author: Grayson Schultz

Review: Bi Stronic Fusion

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a purple vibrating dildo with a butterfly shaped nub against grey sheets with black text: " Review: Bi Stronic Fusion " and " Chronic Sex "

Fun Factory gave me the Bi Stronic Fusion for free in exchange for an honest review.

The Stronic line from Fun Factory is supposed to deliver a hands-free experience. It’s a self-thrusting toy that vibrates internally, too. This could be a game changer for many people who need something hands-free. Did Bi Stronic Fusion deliver? First, let’s get into the basics.

The Basics

The Bi Stronic Fusion is about 8.5 inches long and 1.5 inches wide. There’s a butterfly-like shaped dongle that’s meant to stimulate the clitoris.

It’s safe for butt play. You can use it underwater and get it as wet as you like. Like many Fun Factory toys, it’s rechargeable. Of course, it’s body-safe as well – this particular model is made of silicone with a plastic handle where the charging port and controls are.

A Word of Warning

The thrusting comes from using magnets. As such, this isn’t a safe toy for pacemaker owners. While they didn’t go through this in any promotional material, I would assume this could be uncomfortable for those with genital piercings or hip replacements, too.

Testing

I’ve had this toy for a few months. Honestly, I wanted to love it so I kept putting off writing a review. I hate to say it, but I wound up disappointed.

One thing I noticed that’s neither a pro or a con – because the toy thrusts, you need to use more lubrication than you might with a non-thrusting toy. Don’t learn it the hard way like I did, folx.

There are 64 different combinations of vibrations. With that many options, it’s actually hard to find the two settings I enjoyed – especially if using it at the same time. With only the two control buttons, there’s no good way of finding the setting aside from going through them all. If there were fewer settings, this toy would probably be more enjoyable. In fact, the few Fun Factory toys I dislike usually come from having too many options.

The clitoris nub was not well placed. If I wanted clitoral stimulation, I had to bend the nub which rendered the hands-free claim incorrect.

As for wanting to love a hands-free toy… this isn’t hands-free. Self-thrusting or self-pulsating, sure, but you do need something to stop it from sliding away. Could you use your thigh muscles instead of your hands? Sure. That’s still not something that’s accessible to people I thought might be able to benefit from this toy.

I try to test in so many conditions. In every single one of them, I wished this toy did more.

Verdict

I love Fun Factory as a company, but a lot of their toys wind up hit or miss for me. The Bi Stronic Fusion was, sadly, a miss.

Telling Me To Reach Out Is Condescending

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

TW for suicide, mental health struggles, abuse

With recent high-profile suicides, people are talking about being a beacon to reach out to. While I know they mean well, the reality is that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll save lives. In fact, for some of us, it feels unintentionally condescending.

This goes double if you’re posting voice numbers for suicide hotlines. Please make sure that, if you’re going to post that info, you’re including text crisis and TTY lines, too.

I’ve been mentally ill for nearly three decades now. It took me way too long to figure out the patterns in my own life. From November to April, my depression is bad. I’ll have days here and there that are great, but the bulk of it is hard. I’m sure it doesn’t help that my physical issues ramp up then, too.

When someone tells me I can reach out to them, it’s a nice gesture. However, it doesn’t address the parts of me that constantly feel like I’m a burden. It doesn’t help me actually feel comfortable reaching out, even to the closest of friends or family.

What I really need is for those beacons of permission to reach out to me, to check in on me.

That’s not easy, especially since I have phone anxiety. When any kind of anxiety and depression get together, it can make it nearly impossible to reach out. The two work together – sometimes with my PTSD – to remind me of all the things I’ve said and done that were harmful to others. This horrible trio reminds me that I have to keep quiet, that telling others what I’m going through isn’t okay.

My history of abuse and neglect – and being threatened to stay quiet – tell me I can’t speak.

I know I’m not alone in this. Many of us have been through horrible things that we can’t talk about to everyday people. No one wants to hear about the whippings, being locked in rooms, or other things.

What to do instead

If you want someone to feel comfortable speaking to you about struggling, there are so many ways of showing it.

  • Reaching out on social media if you see we’re having a rough time
  • Developing a close relationship
  • Sending us funny stories
  • Texting us silly videos
  • Be accountability partners
  • Check in on us

Those are just a few ideas. They won’t work for every single person.

If you want to make a difference to more people, consider helping us fight for a better mental health care system or to keep the ACA. Join us when we sign petitions or protest, putting our bodies on the line. Show up for us in more ways than just the intimately personal ones.

Because honestly? The best way to help me with my mental health is to help me fight the shit coming down the pipeline.

Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1.2: The GP’s Office & IUD Visit

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

In my post yesterday, I talked about coming out to my GP’s office.

My IUD appointment was… it went as well as it could go. I’m still unpacking my feels around that and will post them in the future.

After inserting my IUD, the PA asked what pronouns I use. She mentioned that there was a new spot in our EHR to add those in. While she was doing that, she asked about my orientation and if I wanted that noted.

Since she was adding things – and in the interest of being forthcoming – I mentioned that we are moving towards nonmonogamy. I also stated I hadn’t had any new partners as of yet, though.

Now everyone in one of my health systems will be able to see these identities in my chart. It’s nice to not have the pressure of specifically coming out to each provider, but I’m also guessing I’ll have to update people. This also doesn’t cover the people in the other health system that I see.

The PA was super affirming, and I’m grateful that she’s aware of what’s going on. She also does a ton of work with advocating for the LGBT+ community within our larger healthcare community. It’ll be really nice to continue to develop a relationship with her and see what I can help with, too.

Stonewall Inn Doesn’t Know the ADA

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

This week, they turned away a blind person with their service dog.

The manager was cavalier about it. They were adamant that there was some sort of documentation required.

There isn’t.

Thankfully, a friend with them recorded a video of the ordeal. You can catch a transcript here.

Help me tell Stonewall Inn that they need to get their ish together.

https://youtu.be/jllzH3XPIlE

Update: Them put up a story about this as well.

Final update: As of June 9th,  Stonewall finally provided a meaningful statement to yours truly. They’ve apologized and will be offering an ADA training for bars and clubs in the area. They are going to have the disability rights lawyer they’re working with go over a variety of accessibility issues with them. They’re also going to make donations via their charity to a disability org. They didn’t tell me what, if anything, would go on with manager Mike… which I’m still not pleased about… I’m still going to be keeping an eye on them. This isn’t the first story of discrimination, and I doubt it’ll be the last.

Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1: The GP’s Office

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of pride rainbow colored construction paper in the background with a black transparent text box and white text: " Coming Out to My Healthcare Providers, Part 1: The GP's Office " and " Chronic Sex "

Today – actually, literally right as this gets posted – I’ll be getting an IUD placed. You’re probably wondering how I got here.

The hubs and I have known for a while that we didn’t want kids.  I’ve known this for a long time. Despite knowing this, my GP had expressed concerns over making any large decisions about my reproductive system.

Fast forward a year and a half later, and my migraines are running rampant. I know that taking estrogen every single day – as a part of taking continuous birth control – isn’t helping. I also know regularly having periods is not an option for me. My arthritic hands don’t handle them well. My pain levels go through the roof. It’s not a good thing.

Cue finally making an appointment with my GP’s PA to talk about other options.

Hubs had the day off so I brought him with because, sometimes, it helps me feel braver. It’s really easy for me to drop things and lose my resolve sometimes.

I knew that I would likely need to come out about my genderfluidity.

Yes, that’s right, me – a patient activist and sex toy tester – had not come out to them yet. I haven’t come out to any HCP about any of my identities, aside from being a sex educator. They have a lot to catch up on.

Instead of trying to hide it as I might have in the past, I was upfront. I said, in different words, that “I’m genderfluid and struggle with dysphoria. While I want to limit my migraine potential – and dysphoria – by removing extra estrogen, I also don’t want children.”

While the MA didn’t seem to necessarily enjoy hearing about me coming out, I’m grateful that the PA did. She happened to be wearing a Pride-colored Staff of Asclepius on her coat, which I didn’t notice until about halfway through the appointment.

In the end, we decided that the best options were either to get a hysterectomy or an IUD. Since we can treat the IUD as a stepping stone – because I can always have them steal my uterus later – it just made sense to try that first. I’m getting Liletta which is similar to Mirena.

As things move along, my goal will be to go through the coming out process each of my identities to each of my HCPs. They need that information to be able to treat me most effectively. I recognize the privilege I have to be able to go through the coming out process… but also recognize the fear and stigma that kept me quiet for so long. Hopefully, by documenting both getting an IUD and coming out, I can help erase some of those barriers for others.

I really hope I’m able to be brave during this appointment and let them know about recent decisions around nonmonogamy, too.

Awareness Calendar for June

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a sunset with white text: " Awareness Calendar for June - Chronic Sex "

June is here, and summer is very much upon us. This week, the temperature has been consistently between 85-95 F.

Here is what this month is about:

  • Adult Sex-Ed
  • African-American Music Appreciation
  • Alzheimer’s and brain
  • Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome
  • Aphasia
  • Cancer from the Sun
  • Caribbean-American Heritage
  • Cataract
  • Child Vision
  • Childhood Cancer
  • Congenital Cytomegalovirus
  • Hernia
  • Hunger
  • Infertility (world)
  • LGBTQIA+ Pride
  • Men’s Health
  • Migraine & Headache
  • Myasthenia Gravis
  • PTSD
  • Scleroderma
  • Scoliosis
  • Vision Research

Specific days/weeks:

  • World Hypoparathyroidism Awareness Day (1)
  • National Cancer Survivors Day (3)
  • National Headache Awareness Week (4-10)
  • HIV Long-Term Survivors Day (5)
  • Caribbean-American HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (8)
  • Cervical Screening Awareness Week (11-17)
  • Men’s Health Week (11-17)
  • World Blood Donor Day (14)
  • Autistic Pride Day (18)
  • World Sickle Cell Day (19)
  • Helen Keller Deaf-Blind Awareness Week (24-30)
  • National HIV Testing Day (27)

Review: Real Nude Ergo Silicone Suction Cup Dildo and Mini Silicone Suction Cup Dildo by Blush Novelties

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

rectangle graphic with pink on left with yellow and white text: " Review: Real Nude Ergo Silicone Suction Cup Dildo and Mini Silicone Suction Cup Dildo by Blush Novelties Chronic Sex " and a photo of two indigo dildos on the right

Disclaimer: I was given these products for free in exchange for my honest review.

It’s been ages since Peepshow Toys sent me these two Blush dildos to review. Now that my pelvic pain is mostly under control, it’s nice to get back to doing reviews.

And having orgasms without wanting to die.

You know, the little things.

The Basics

Both dildos are beautiful and matte. They’re made of silicone with a suction cup on the end. Both also come with a storage pouch which is good because they pick up hair like there’s no tomorrow. There is a small bump where the testicles would be along with some small veiny features, a little urethra, and a soft head.

The larger dildo is 7.5 inches long and 1.5 inches wide. The mini is 7.2 inches long and 1.3 inches wide.

Testing

I’m not gonna lie – half of testing was singing into the dildos like microphones to Bob’s Burgers’ songs or figuring out how much I could bend them. The silicone is really fun to play with, especially combined with a harder center.

I tested these with Good Clean Love’s CaraGold lube. It’s no longer in stores as they’re revamping the formula after some issues. I’ll definitely let y’all know when it’s back in stock!

Going into this, I thought the smaller one would be more of my thing. After all, I haven’t been using larger insertable toys lately. I actually really enjoyed them both! I could see where the smaller one might feel a little irritating for some people since it’s an irregular size.

Both dildos felt really soft and comfortable. I actually laid there for a while and was incredibly comfortable.

Verdict

I really enjoyed both dildos. Their texture and pliability is something I haven’t seen in a ton of other dildos. Maybe I won’t give up on them after all!

You can grab both the regular and the mini at Peepshow Toys.

Don’t forget – you can save 10% on Peepshow orders using the code CHRONIC. 

Stop Using Phobia When You Mean Bigotry

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Photo of a neon rainbow heart with multiple colors of text on the left: " phobia is ableist - being a bigot isn’t an illness - be a disability ally - use misia instead ”

TW ableist language, discussion of bigotry

When someone uses the term ‘transphobia,’ my little disabled nonbinary heart sinks. I know they mean well, but the unseen ableism in their sentences immediately makes me realize I’m not safe.

Let’s unpack that.

Phobia means fear. More specifically, a phobia is an anxiety condition.

Arachnophobia, for example, is a horrible fear of spiders. If someone has this phobia, they experience incredible fear. They might scream, cry, sweat, have a racing heartbeat, and more. Like with PTSD, this is a physiological reaction.

Unfortunately, many people equate bigoted remarks like hatred of trans people to these terrible and debilitating fears.

They are, in no way, related.

The word xenophobic – which is constantly used for those who prefer isolationist and white supremacist policies – is an actual real phobia. People with xenophobia have a terrible fear of strangers. That word isn’t inherently a sign of bigotry.

Using these terms as though they’re the same is not only rude as fuck but ableist. It belittles the fear people with phobias deal with as well as the lengths they try to go to in order to protect themselves.

People say that phobia has many meanings. While it’s true that it’s used differently in biology, for example, than towards humans, there is still harm in using phobia. Like with many ableist phrases and words, it builds on the harm caused to us over millennia of ableism.

But what else can we use?

Before we get into this, there are a few things to acknowledge. I recognize that there is a certain amount of privilege in learning these different terms. I am someone who is in a position to share this information with those who may not hear it otherwise.

What many people mean to say when they say transphobic is someone who hates trans people. So, let’s say that.

The suffix misia/misic is a great stand-in for phobia/phobic. It literally means hate.

Anti-X or ___antagonistic are great alternatives. They truly showcase someone’s sentiments because, in reality, these aren’t usually built on fear. They’re built in pseudo-patriotism, hatred, and religious bigotry.

I’m not the only disabled person fighting for this.

There’s a great quote in an Everyday Feminism piece on this topic from a few years ago: “The use of ‘-phobia’ as a suffix erodes the dictionary meaning of the word, but more importantly, it is one tool that helps society forget that phobias are real phenomena that affect real people every day, some of whom, like myself and my friends, are queer and trans.”

Let’s actively make the decision to be more linguistically precise as we choose less ableist and oppressive language.

Don’t Invalidate Someone’s Gender

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

black background with a maroon text box at the bottom; white text in the middle: " Don't Invalidate Someone's Gender " and at bottom " Chronic Sex "

I went to a munch a few weeks ago. There were a few things that bothered me. One thing I overheard still pops into my head from time to time:

“That doesn’t look very genderfluid to me.”

The fuck?

A group of a few people, including one of the munch runners, were huddled around a phone. While there was a lot of chatter, this one comment rose above the rest of the noise.

As the newbie, I already felt insecure. I dressed up a little bit which, for me, means also looking more femme. That’s what fits my body best right now. I don’t know who this comment was about. I know my Fetlife says I’m genderfluid, and I had RSVP’d on there.

Hearing this comment aimed at my physical direction hurt.

Every single time I fear I’m invalidating my gender by dressing a certain way, I hear their voice in my head. My gender dysphoria loves these kinds of comments. It latches onto them to invalidate every feel about myself that I have.

Let’s get this straight – while I don’t know if this was a comment about me, it’s still inappropriate. You don’t invalidate someone’s gender based on their gender expression. You don’t invalidate their gender, period.

Gender isn’t for you to judge

Genderfluid means different things to different people. For me, it’s about not being pinned down. I can be femme one day, masc another, and something completely different that third day. I’m neither a woman or a man – I’m just me. It’s about having control over how we’re perceived and how we display ourselves in a way that’s outside the binary.

Being more femme in certain instances or spaces doesn’t make me less genderfluid than someone else who uses that label. Our community is so used to getting shit on from the outside – why are we doing it to each other?

On top of that, the person I went to the munch to meet? He ignored me for a while. Then, he was very interested in being incredibly touchy without checking in about boundaries. After that, he freaked out at me for not messaging him by the next morning. Considering everything we have to fear from cis dudes, it’s completely turned me off of spending time with people I don’t really know.

It’s scary. This is why so many of us ghost people. If I stand up for myself here, I run the risk of being harmed.

Being a sex educator in these spaces is funky

It’s interesting moving through these spaces as a sex educator. I notice each boundary violation, each time someone looks uncomfortable, and each time someone is an asshole. I feel the sliminess in-person before I even get shitty messages afterward… messages that make me uncomfortable around cis dudes.

I’ll be honest – I’m grateful that I usually can’t make this munch. Between this dude being creepy touchy with me and these kinds of comments, it makes me wonder if I can even find a comfortable space locally. Can I find a queer, sex-positive, boundary-affirming space that isn’t full of toxic masculinity and ableism?

I feel so much more comfortable among my fellow sex educators.

It’s part of why I haven’t done much more locally. I’m so looking forward to Poly Dallas in July and being around my people. I know I’ll be seen as myself and won’t have to deal with so much judgment.