Author: Grayson Schultz

S2E10: Freddie Mercury, HIV/AIDS, and the Straightwashing of Queer Icons

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

two B&W photos of Freddie Mercury in white pants and a white tank top performing on stage against a white background: black text " Season 2 Episode 10 " above pics; below pics, multicolored and black text: " Freddie Mercury, HIV/AIDS, and the straightwashing of queer icons - Chronic Sex Podcast "

The trailer for the new Freddie Mercury biopic came out and I’m pissed – there’s no mention of his HIV/AIDS or his queerness. Let’s talk more about Freddie’s REAL life and how it weaves into the HIV/AIDS crisis.

TW death, queer erasure, queermisia

Make sure to check out the events tab on the FB page and support the show on Patreon

I Changed in November 2016 – And That’s Okay

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a person wearing jeans from legs down against a mountain backdrop with white text: " I Changed in November 2016 " and pink text " And That's Okay "

In the mornings, I go through and schedule social media posts. It isn’t every morning anymore – more like every couple – but it’s still a habit. It helps with gathering stuff up for LUOF, here, and more.

I had a lot on my mind this morning when I went to schedule. When I came across this piece, it really hit home.

https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/its-okay-to-change-after-a-difficult-thing-has-happened/

I’ve changed since the 2016 presidential election. I had to.

Right before the election, I came out about my gender and sexuality. I was so confident in myself and that things were changing for the better that I got cocky about showing the world more of my authentic self.

Some of the changes before the election were forced ones on my part. I wanted people to see me the same way they saw other patients or sex educators. I wanted my dad and his family to like me. It was clear to me that people didn’t want someone fighting for justice – they wanted someone who never got angry.

That whole time I tried to be chill and go with the flow for everyone else, I was struggling. My pain was so bad (not that it’s ever great). I felt like I had to become someone else to make others comfortable, just like I had done for my mother my whole life. Instead of being myself, I was hiding for the benefits of others.

The election

I spent the night of the election in bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Being a genderfluid/trans, pan/queer, disabled, abuse surviving sex educator – and being out about all of it – scared me. I wasn’t scared because of people I knew – yet – but those like You-Know-Who that refused to see me as a human being.

Then, of course, I learned about the views of people I thought I knew – that I thought were my friends. Instead of kindness, love, and compassion, I was met with hostility from people I would’ve done anything for. One friend acted like their queer and trans friends needed to grow up and stop whining. A few months later when You-Know-Who started seriously shit for my communities, that person reached out to apologize. I realized I didn’t need them in my life, especially when they misgender people and then get upset people don’t cut them slack years down the line.

Others quickly grew tired of me talking about privilege and justice. In trying to educate cishet people about what the rest of us face, I was somehow being ‘exclusionary.’ By trying to use my privileges to address racism, colorism, poverty, and more, I was apparently making people with the same privileges uncomfortable.

Moving on

I feared most the things that have come to pass. It’s been a fight to not be run over by this administration. To get shit from friends for being my authentic self is hard.

This stuff all hurts. It shreds my soul like its a soft cheese. On top of that, it’s exhausting to wake up ready to fight every single day. It’s draining and rough.

This has taken nearly two years to talk about it for a reason.

There’s a great quote that I try to remember when people tell me shitty things:

“When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression”.

The white, middle-aged, middle-class, cishet patient advocates that get upset about me calling discrimination what it is have to learn to grow. They have to move past their privilege and into uncomfortable spaces. Instead of focusing only on advocacy for themselves and their condition(s), they need to see the benefits of activism and fighting for justice.

In the spirit of Audre Lorde, I am not free while any person is unfree, even when their shackles are very different from my own.

So, yeah, I’ve changed since the election

I have – for the better. Instead of keeping quiet about what bothers me, I speak up. I talk about being abused in the patient community and how upset it makes me that others refuse to address it. I point out when people are being bigoted or discriminatory in their views.

No one is perfect. I’m certainly not. I’m working on getting better about taking feedback. I wish I was better at it right now, but it’s a process. It’s not easy, especially when I had no foundation around handling emotions well. Of course, it doesn’t help that my depression and anxiety often manifest as anger.

As Tiffany points out in the piece above,

Getting through difficult things is by its nature – difficult. Changing is not a sign of weakness or flaw.

We shift, we change, we heal, we move on, we get stuck, we get stuck in the pursuit of moving on, we adapt, we falter… Making peace with yourself through all these journeys is so very important to loving yourself – to loving all of yourself.

Right now, I’m still working on change. And that’s okay.

Sexually Transmitted Infection Facts

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

a blue tinted background with black overlay and white text - " Sexually Transmitted Infection Facts " and " Chronic Sex "

Before we get started, let’s address the elephant in the room: STIs do not make someone dirty, gross, or inhuman. In fact…

I had Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) my freshman year of college. This is the first time I’ve told anyone other than the partner I had at the time and my current gyno… who I just told last year. I wasn’t the smartest person when it came to risk-aware sex and using barriers at the time.

I’ll go into why I didn’t talk about it before below. Instead of getting treatment for it, I scrapped off the warts which is as painful as it sounds. It hurt to pee for like a week because of the sting on all those small wounds. Even now, I will get itching around my labia where the HPV hit the most. I’ve never had another breakout and none of my pap smears have come back abnormal or showing signs of HPV. My gyno and I have decided the infection cleared up on its own, thankfully.

So, there you go. You know a vagina-owner who has dealt with HPV.

Heads up for hella gendered language in the references below. Apparently, the field of statistics isn’t aware of how gendering these statistics might be harmful. [insert eye roll here]

Barriers to Treatment

Access to Healthcare

One of the biggest barriers to getting diagnosed and treated for an STI is not having access to healthcare. This could be because of a lack of providers where someone lives, age, family or culture, finances, abuse, and a lot more.

Lack of Sexual Education

People might not realize that what’s going on with them isn’t normal. Thanks to the state of sexual education in most places, there are a lot of people who aren’t familiar with the ‘normal’ functions of their sexual organs, let alone are aware of what types of symptoms may be cause for concern. This is especially true in spaces like the Deep Southern United States where people don’t talk about HIV/AIDS but have some of the highest infection rates.

On top of that, most people do not have symptoms of STIs, especially during the early parts of infection.

Confidentiality

Many people may fear seeking medical attention due to concerns about privacy. Maybe someone with an STI is a minor who doesn’t want their parents to know they’re sexually active and can’t seek medical care without using their parents’ insurance. Perhaps someone is having an affair in a monogamous relationship and isn’t able to seek help.

Lack of Screening

For many people, there’s no automatic testing. Many penis-owners aren’t tested for some STIs due to the invasiveness of testing. Married people are assumed to be monogamous, meaning you have to ask for specific screening. On top of that, many health care providers aren’t aware of the need to test marginalized groups like trans women of color.

Stigma

Last but not least, the stigma is awful. People assume that you’re dirty, unclean, gross, an abomination, etc. There’s a lot of victim-blaming with anything around sex. Get pregnant? It’s your fault as the uterus-owner. Got HIV? It’s because you’re a slut. Infections happen and they’re just a part of life – some stay with your forever and others clear up.

For me, the stigma is what made it so that I didn’t talk about this for the last eleven years. I was worried about what exactly I had and what treatment would entail, especially since I didn’t have medical care at the time.

Statistics

According to the World Health Organization, more than ONE MILLION new STIs are acquired every day globally. Many people do not experience symptoms – or symptoms that are alarming – with STIs. That’s part of why testing is so integral to diagnosis and treatment.

Half of new STI cases happen in very young populations – 15-24. That same age group winds up with five times the rates of Chlamydia, four times the rate of Gonorrhea, and three times the rate of Syphilis as the general population.

Over three-quarters of women living with Chlamydia aren’t aware they have it. Did you know 35% of the Americans who have Herpes don’t know it? About 33% of people who have Syphilis aren’t aware of their status. One-fifth of all Americans with HIV/AIDS are unaware they have it.

Around 44% of the half million people living with HIV/AIDS are African American. Many statistics don’t even include race, socioeconomic status, location, or gender.

The Good News

Most STIs are fully curable – Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis are the main ones. Others include Trichomoniasis, Molluscum Contagiosum Virus, Mycoplasma Genitalium, Crabs, and Scabies. Note that scabies isn’t just an STI but a general transmittable parasite.

Antivirals can help treat and manage Herpes, Hepatitis B, and HIV/AIDS.

Vaccines exist to help protect you against Hepatitis B and HPV. HPV can cause genital warts, cancer, and fertility issues for people of any gender.

Barriers like internal condoms, external condoms, gloves, capes, finger cots, and dental dams can all reduce the risk of STI transmission. On top of that, HIV/AIDS can be prevented by using Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) or Post-Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP). Learn more about those here.

Tips

Get tested regularly. All the time! Make sure to get tested between partners or before you couple up with someone new.

Be risk-aware and utilize barriers and treatments as needed.

Remember that being on immunosuppressants may increase your risk of snagging an STI. Even if it doesn’t, it can make the severity of any infections much worse.

References

  • https://www.stdtestexpress.com/std-facts/
  • http://www.who.int/en/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/sexually-transmitted-infections-(stis)
  • https://www.cdc.gov/std/hiv/stdfact-std-hiv.htm
Posted in STI

Is Integrity A Thing Anymore?

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

cream background with red text: " Is Integrity A Thing Anymore? " and " Chronic Sex " to the left of a hand surrounded by a circle

Last year, I worked with Eventbrite on a post over on my muggle site. They reached back out to see if I would work with them on another thing this month. Instead of a happy email back, they got a note from me about how their recent TOS change harms sex workers. [Edit: they changed their guidelines (not TOS – oops) to exclude information related to sex and explicit things.]

Miss out on SESTA/FOSTA stuff? Click here.

Changes companies make matter. SESTA/FOSTA inspired changes have wound up leading to sex workers moving to street work – and several sex workers dying or being harmed by doing so. I can’t, in good conscience, work with companies that are okay with harming people – especially when sex work is one of the most accessible forms of work.

This brings up some feels I’m having around how much we promote companies or people when we don’t agree with their ethics.

I get so surprised when I see people happily working with entities that suck and go against a lot of what they do. I guess I shouldn’t be quite as surprised as I always am. After all, we live in a capitalist society. On top of that, it’s easy to rationalize that we need money over our integrity.

It reminds me of the situation with Tantus at Woodhull last year. The owner partook in gaslighting conference attendees over ableism. I was done. I canceled my affiliate account with them at the airport. Honestly, I don’t care if that means I missed out on making money.

Personally, it’s more important for me to help take a stand. I’d rather miss out on something because I give a shit than be rolling in the dough.

We all need to ask ourselves at what point we’re willing to put our integrity into question by working with questionable people in order to reach their audiences or make money, etc. Is it worth compromising our ethics?

If we say yes, where do we stop? It’s a slippery slope – “I’ll just write one post for X. It’s fine.” Pretty soon you become part of the establishment you’re fighting to dismantle.

Capitalism and compromising our values lead down some shit roads, fam.

There are better ways to reach people than to put up with abusers or unethical entities. Always.

We can do better.

We can always do better.

S2E9: It’s Arthritis Awareness Month!

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of pills on a book that says 'arthritis' with a teal text box with white and yellow text: " Season 2, Episode 9 S2E9: It's Arthritis Awareness Month! Chronic Sex "

TW: Medications, death, grieving, and I cry for like ten minutes. Yay?

I’ve talked a lot about arthritis. For nearly the last decade, it’s the bulk of the work I’ve done. On my other site, I’ve worked on not only talking about my own health but how we can improve healthcare systems. Today, though, let’s stick to arthritis facts since May is Arthritis Awareness Month.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go listen to Wine & Crime to cheer my sobbing ass up.

Arthritis links:

Come see me in Milwaukee on the 10th: https://www.toolshedtoys.com/class-hurts-so-good-how-pain-disorders-can-affect.html

Continue reading “S2E9: It’s Arthritis Awareness Month!” →

Pick Up Women’s Health This Month!

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

If you take a look at the latest copy of Women’s Health magazine, you’ll see a familiar face around page 156.

two photo collage on a black background; 1-cover of the May 2018 issue of Women's Health with Anna Farris; 2-photo of Kirsten leaning on Theron’s shoulder in the magazine

T and I are in the magazine talking about how we make love work with depression and other mental illness. Our blurb is small, but it means so much to me.

Sometimes we forget the impact we have on others just by sharing our own stories. This was a much-needed reminder to keep telling my truth.

I picked up a couple extra copies, so let me know if you want one and I’ll be happy to send it out.

Awareness Calendar for May

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of japanese cherry blossom trees above a white background with pink text - " Awareness Calendar for May " and black text " Chronic Sex "

Month:

  • ALS
  • Arthritis
  • Asthma and Allergy
  • Bladder Cancer
  • Brain Cancer
  • Celiac Disease
  • CRPS
  • Cystic Fibrosis
  • Digestive Diseases
  • Ehlers-Danlos (EDS)
  • Foster Care
  • Hepatitis
  • High Blood Pressure
  • Huntington’s Disease
  • Lyme Disease
  • Lupus
  • Masturbation
  • Melanoma
  • Mental Health
  • Myositis
  • Neurofibromatosis
  • Osteoporosis
  • Skin Cancer
  • Stroke

Day/week:

  • Asthma (2)
  • Foster Care (2)
  • Barrier Awareness (7)
  • Infertility Survival (7)
  • Stuttering (7-13)
  • Fibromyalgia (12)
  • ME/CFS (12)
  • Neuropathy Awareness Week (second full week)
  • Honor LGBT Elders (16)
  • Hypertension (17)
  • International Day Against Homomisia, Transmisia, and Bimisia (17)
  • HIV Vaccine (18)
  • Hepatitis Testing Day (19)
  • World Autoimmune Arthritis Day (20)
  • Pansexual & Panromantic Awareness (24)
  • Heat Awareness (26)
  • Digestive Health (29)
  • MS (31)

S2E8: O.School, SESTA-FOSTA, and So Much More

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

black-blue background with white and red text: "Season 2 Episode 8 O.School, SESTA-FOSTA, and So Much More Chronic Sex Podcasrt"

Content note for mentions of suicide, sexual violence

First, I discuss O.School and why a lot of us are leaving it or were forced out – they don’t actually support sex workers.

On that same note, some terrible bills have recently been signed or are on their way like SB1204 in California and the combo of SESTA and FOSTA. [Update:

Bottom line? Sex work is real work, and it needs a goddamn safe space. Unlike some politicians believe, sex work and trafficking are not one and the same. Check out #LUOF with pertinent links here.

Pick up the May issue of Women’s Health to see blurbs from me and T about how we handle our depression together. Make sure to visit patreon.com/chronicsex to support the show and the site! <3

Don’t Miss the Explore More Summit

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

The Explore More Summit is about to take off, taking participants on a journey through sexuality, emotions, and more!

Explore More, created by Dawn Serra, is a ten-day electronic summit. This year, it runs from April 23-May 2. Each day, Dawn emails you workbooks that correlate to the day’s talks. The videos of the talks are available for 24 hours – or you can buy them!

Last year, I was able to attend Explore More. I won’t lie – I mostly watched videos from my friends. Even so, I learned so much and grew from those talks. This year, I’m hoping that I’m able to catch more of them.

This year’s schedule includes

  • Cavanaugh Quick discussing be comfortable with discomfort
  • Rafaella & Dalychia from Afrosexuality talking about black sexuality and curiosity
  • Kate Kenfield talking about masturdating
  • And so much more!

If you’re as excited as I am, snag your free spot now!