Category: ableism

Ableism, Willowbrook, and The Pandemic

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Content notes: forced institution of disabled folks, multiple uses of the R slur, neglect, abuse (including sexual), death

ableism, willowbrook, and the pandemic

This week, I learned that Martin Luther King, Jr., dealt with depression beginning in childhood. This ties directly into one of my daily threads this week:

tweet from Grayson: Whoo, y'all, the ableism here. AND also the racism in focusing on calling this man out while letting the comments of the millions of white politicians and pundits who do this shit daily slip by quietly. #GiveUsThisDayOurDailyThread - Quote Tweet of César N. Chávez @CesarChavezAZ · Jan 23 Allowing severely mentally ill and drug addicted individuals to roam public places unsupervised is inhumane. In my district, this has become a problem. During the past months, I’ve been working with stakeholders to brainstorm several ideas. These ideas will be introduced soon.
link

As an aside, I have a meeting on Tuesday with Rep. Chávez to talk through how and why this was harmful. Instead of dunking on a queer formerly undocumented immigrant serving as an Arizona state representative, I offered to talk. So, please don’t use this tweet to throw hate his way – especially if you’re white.

Most people do not know the history of institutionalization, why it was so bad, or how hard the disability community had to fight to get it to end – and even now, institutions still exist. They believe that mental illness is something that you can see, something that is clear and can lead someone to violence.

The reality is, though, that people with mental health issues account for maybe 3-5% of violence:

only 3%–5% of violent acts can be attributed to individuals living with a serious mental illness. In fact, people with severe mental illnesses are over 10 times more likely to be victims of violent crime than the general population.

I go on in that thread to talk about how the media fails us with shitty representation of mental illness, physical disability, and more. They make us out to be monsters, fueling the fire for ableism.

 

Willowbrook

One of the best ways to illustrate how institutions do not ever need to come back is by talking about Willowbrook State School in Staten Island. As we do, though, note that this situation is far from unique to that specific institution – other former institutions have even acknowledged that.

Continue reading “Ableism, Willowbrook, and The Pandemic” →

Strikes, Boycotts, and Ableism

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

a computer sits on a desk with the definiition of capitalism pulled up - noun - ˈkapədlˌizəm - an economic and political system where trade and industry are controlled by private owners which pits all workers and systemically disadvantaged groups against each other in the name of profit - heading has title of this blog post

Many people on the political left like to act as though conservatives have the monopoly on being bigots. That’s included ableism… but, the reality is much different.

As Charis Hill notes in Progressives’ Big Ableism Problem (emphasis mine):

Progressives need to work on understanding that:

Ableism is the trickle down of a mockery of how the president drinks that becomes a denial of autonomy & accommodations, a substandard social security disability wage, or a brutal police murder of a black person whose own death is blamed on their underlying conditions.

There’s no such thing as a progressive ableist.

Note: There is room to say the above and acknowledge that we are each on a journey of learning how to unpack societal norms and systems of oppression that have been forced upon us. This is a great way to use the idea of plural selves from Meg-John Barker.

A great illustration of this political juxtaposition? How many people cited Trump’s mockery of a disabled reporter as ableism. Ableds thought “Well, if Trump admitting sexually predatory behavior wasn’t enough to end his campaign, making fun of poor, pitiful disabled folks should do it.”

We all saw how that turned out.

Yet, if you asked these folks what this reporter’s name or condition was? None of them could name Serge Kovaleski or arthrogryposis. Not unlike inspiration porn, Kovaleski was used as a pawn – a means to an end.

The left’s ableism issue runs deeper than that, including the invention of eugenics. This once ‘progressive’ idea was American-grown before 1900, inspiring Hitler and countless others:

Eugenics was born as a scientific curiosity in the Victorian age. In 1863, Sir Francis Galton, a cousin of Charles Darwin, theorized that if talented people only married other talented people, the result would be measurably better offspring. At the turn of the last century, Galton’s ideas were imported into the United States just as Gregor Mendel’s principles of heredity were rediscovered. American eugenic advocates believed with religious fervor that the same Mendelian concepts determining the color and size of peas, corn and cattle also governed the social and intellectual character of man.

So, it was no surprise to me when I opened Twitter this morning to see a bunch of lefties tearing down a disabled person.

Disappointing, but not surprising

FYI – if you have sensory issues, allergies, etc.? A lot of those things wind up being brand-dependent, whether that’s medication or food.

As if that wasn’t enough, people are also claiming that this individual should have kept their mouth shut and just ‘dealt’ with it.

Obviously, that’s easier said than done. Secondly? Part of what disability twitter is about is pointing out the covered spots other people have. Pointing out the need for nuance here does not, in any way, harm anyone.

It’s simply a call to not be a shit bag. It shouldn’t be that hard.

Some bots – and even humans! – are reposting the text of the original tweets as if it’s copypasta. Others are posting shitty ‘jokes.’

I hate ableds so much.

Wait… Should we be boycotting?

The Kelloggs workers have not officially called for consumers to formally boycott. Boycotting if the workers have not asked you to can actually harm their efforts. Companies will use this to show why unions are ‘bad’ instead of listening to them.

A spokesperson at BCTGM did suggest that folks can choose to avoid these products in solidarity, though:

You can follow the BCTGM International Union and their Twitter account to stay updated on any changes.

On Strikes and Boycotts

Going back to Meg-John’s idea of the plural self, it is absolutely possible to hold space for multiple realities. This is one situation that calls for that level of nuance.

One
Strikes and boycotts are an important part of the labor movement. They help to correct some of the power imbalances inherent in our society. In a capitalist system, the loss of production – and, therefore, money – is often the only thing that companies will understand.

Two
As a society, we need to remember to make space for those who may be unable to safely participate in strikes or boycotts. Pretending like we can all participate in the same way denies reality.

Three
There is no ethical consumption under capitalism. Period. This is a system that has been designed specifically to harm everyone who isn’t in control.

Having to cross a picket line in order to survive is not a thing that is specific only to the disability community. People living in poverty, food deserts, etc., may not have other options for where to shop and who to give money to. You don’t get to make a moral judgment on another person based on privileges you hold that they don’t.

When we’re talking about oppression and both historically & currently disadvantaged folks? This isn’t an all-or-nothing situation. Hardly anything around justice work actually is.

If you’ve had to cross a picket line to survive? It does not make you a bad person. That alone does not mean you support the workers any less than someone who has the privilege to refrain from crossing that line. If you’re able to, there may be other ways for you to chip in, such as supporting those who are striking financially or raising awareness, etc.

Towards the beginning of the pandemic, I had to cross a picket line. I am #HighRiskCOVID19 and was unable to safely go grocery shopping. We relied on grocery and food delivery for months. I don’t know that I really even left my apartment from mid-March to early May 2020, save walking, taking out the trash, and getting a COVID-19 test.

I’m lucky enough that I’m in a better space physically. I can go to the grocery store and run other errands as long as I have my mask. Early on, especially with everything we didn’t know around COVID and living with another high-risk person? I wasn’t.

While a pandemic may be an extreme example, I hope that it’s a decent illustration that many disabled folks have had to rely on companies in times when others boycott.

All the disability community is asking for is an acknowledgment that this isn’t an either/or issue. Please stop tossing us aside because you want to see things in extremes.

What you could do instead

Examine your ableism.

There are a ton of resources out there:

What is ableism?
Unpacking ableism
Some allyship tips

I’ve collected more here that can help. You could even, idk, hire a disabled person to help you work through that. (I’m out of commission for at least a month, so don’t look at me just yet.)

Listen to disabled folks when we share that something is ableist.

Look, a lot of shit is ableist. A lot. Most of the time, if we point it out? We know what we’re talking about.

There are absolutely times where that hasn’t been the case. Those occasions usually result from a lack of intersectionality or awareness of anything outside of white disability discourse. It’s embarrassing and infuriating but exists.

Conduct mutual aid work.

This works more specifically with strikes or boycotts around services like Amazon, Instacart, DoorDash, etc. If you have the ability, you could go grocery shop for a disabled person who might otherwise rely on these services. Removing the access barrier that forces folks to rely on these companies for goods and services is a great move!

Plus, many historic boycotts only worked because there was mutual aid happening. The Montgomery Bus Boycott is one example. Community coming together is how we are going to get through these fights against oppressive systems like capitalism. That means we have to recognize that some of us are going to have different roles to play in addition to different needs. And that’s okay.

It’s almost like Audre Lorde had it right or something.

a photo of audre lorde with her quote - “Without community, there is no liberation... but community must not mean a shedding of our differences, nor the pathetic pretense that these differences do not exist.”

Final Thoughts

Remember that the white supremacist system WANTS you to get upset at those who have no choice but to cross these lines.

It shifts your anger away from capitalism.

Don’t fall into that trap.

On Self-Diagnosis

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

There has been a lot of conversation around self-diagnosis as of late. Every so often this pops up, so let’s be clear:

Self-diagnosis is valid.

My journey

I was 90% sure that I had hypermobility, POTS, MCAS, & gastroparesis in 2016. I wasn’t diagnosed until 2019 – and even then, I had to use my activism background to seek out the right docs. Even then, I’m not formally diagnosed with POTS. It’s pretty clear that’s what I have and there are ways I can mitigate it without a ton of medical interventions so far. If and when I get to the point where I need to explore that more, the doctor who treats my hypermobility is there to pull that trigger and refer me to the right people. In the meantime, he’s helping me manage it.

In just a couple of years, the amount of testing I had to go through was really rough. I had scopes, nerve tests, multiple MRIs, X-rays, labs, and so much more. It was incredibly costly, even though I was in a very privileged position to have good insurance & a partner at the time to help me get through all of this.

Even before getting to the point of getting these tests, I was gaslit on some of these things by HCPs for years. That includes bringing up worsening vaginismus that wasn’t addressed for years and very negatively impacted both my quality of life and relationships.

I also knew I had PTSD in college, but that wasn’t diagnosed until 2015. That was easily 10 years of knowing without an ICD-10 code. It’s hard to find mental health providers, especially with insurance restrictions.

I am nearly certain that I also have ADHD – so much so that I reference it in relationships. That is especially difficult to get a diagnosis for as an adult, and I’m tired of trying to push through to get diagnosis codes. I may revisit if I feel meds might help.

Too many conditions get blamed on other things

I have experienced a lot of BS in the medical world, from blaming everything on my weight, past trauma, and transness to assuming I didn’t know what I was talking about as a younger ‘woman.’ (Cue internal screaming at the sexism, misogyny, and assuming people are cisgender.)

Providers and others have also assumed I want to collect diagnoses. I don’t. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll joke about it to be flippant because that’s how I handle a lot of stuff, but I’d love to not collect any other conditions. In reality, I’m finally untangling all that I have now that I’m getting treatment for things.

Being sick since childhood means attributing a lot to the conditions I had diagnosed because 1) I didn’t know any better, and, 2) I didn’t have medical care for a long time.

The latter is one reason it’s taken until age 32 to really get my health under control.

Once my SJIA was under control, the hypermobility was easier to see and diagnose because I knew some pain wasn’t just my arthritis for the first time in my life.

Providers often do not understand this.

If I had been taken seriously in 2016 about the conditions that I believed I had – and was right about – I would not have lost multiple years of my ability to work or really exist as a human outside of the internet. I lost years of my life because of others being jerks, not listening, etc.

When you encounter people who have self-diagnosed conditions?

Don’t gatekeep.

Don’t assume that someone saying they have a diagnosis is due to them seeking attention for attention’s sake.

Self-diagnosis is valid and necessary for many of us, even those of us who hold a lot of privilege.

Take Action Now on Section 1557 of the ACA

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

I’m passing this along from NCIL (which I know has been problematic as of late) because this is incredibly important to every community I work with. Please consider reaching out and speaking up.

On June 14, 2019, the Trump Administration published a proposed regulation that would roll back the nondiscrimination protections under Section 1557 of the Affordable Care Act (ACA). Section 1557 is the provision of the ACA that prohibits discrimination in healthcare programs and activities on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, age, or disability. The Administration’s proposal is extremely dangerous and discriminatory, and we need to do everything we can to stop this proposal from being finalized!

Specifically, the proposal would limit the number of health programs subject to Section 1557, and it would narrow the scope of the protections under Section 1557 in the following ways:

• Gender identity and sex stereotyping would be completely eliminated from the definition of sex discrimination, the definition of gender identity would be eliminated, and all references to sexual orientation in HHS regulations would be erased. This could allow healthcare providers to deny transgender people gender-affirming care, and would result in queer and trans people being significantly less likely to get quality healthcare and more likely to face discrimination, abuse, or refusals of care.

• Requirements for notices and taglines that let people with Limited English Proficiency (LEP) know about language access services, including services for disabled people, would no longer be required.

• Healthcare providers would be able to refuse care and justify it under Title IX’s religious exemption. This would allow healthcare providers to discriminate against or deny abortions, reproductive health services, or other health services that a provider says violates their religious beliefs.

• The ban on insurance plan discrimination on the basis of disability, age, and other factors would be removed, which would disproportionately impact people with disabilities and chronic illnesses. The removal of protections around benefit design would disproportionately impact people with HIV/AIDS and other disabilities and chronic illnesses that may be treated or managed with more expensive medications or other treatments.

• The requirement for healthcare providers to share notices that inform people of their nondiscrimination policy, their rights, how to file complaints if they are discriminated against, and other information would be completely eliminated.

All the above proposed changes will impact disabled people. In addition, the Administration is specifically seeking comments on questions related to disability access.

Specifically, they have asked for feedback regarding:

• Effective Communication: Whether to remove the requirement for covered providers with less than 15 employees to provide auxiliary aids and services.

• Accessibility Standards: Whether to continue to apply the 2010 ADA Standards to all entities under Section 1557, specifically in regard to benefits to disabled people versus burdens on private entities (see 45 CFR 92.103).

• Reasonable Modifications: Whether to keep current language regarding accommodations that is derived from Title II of the ADA, or to substitute with language conforming to Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act. Current language (based on the ADA) states that covered entities must make reasonable modifications to policies, practices, or procedures when necessary to avoid discrimination on the basis of disability, except if the modification would fundamentally alter the nature of the health program or activity. Proposed new language (based on the Rehabilitation Act) states that covered entities shall make reasonable accommodation to the known physical or mental limitations of an otherwise qualified individual with a disability. In this section, they also seek comment on whether to include an exemption for “undue hardship” (see 45 CFR 92.105).

It is clear that if this attempted rollback is finalized, disabled people and many others will be significantly less likely to receive quality healthcare or to file grievances when discriminated against. Disabled people would also not be provided with the resources they need to know about those things in the first place.

Take Action!

The comment period closes on August 13, 2019 at 11:59 Eastern, so please submit comments as soon as possible! Your comments should explain why you oppose this proposed change, and you should address as many of the specific proposed changes and questions as possible. This is a cruel attack on people who already experience discrimination in healthcare settings, and this proposal will only make things worse. We must ensure the Administration hears from as many of us as possible!

Comments can be submitted online through the Federal eRulemaking Portal (preferred) or by mail.

• Federal eRulemaking Portal: You may submit electronic comments at regulations.gov/comment?D=HHS-OCR-2019-0007-0001 or by going to regulations.gov and searching for the Docket ID number HHS-OCR-2019-0007. Click on “Comment Now” and you can type your comments into the comment box or upload a document.

• Regular, Express, or Overnight Mail: Your comments must be postmarked by the comment submission deadline (August 13, 2019). You may mail comments to U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office for Civil Rights / Attention: Section 1557 NPRM, RIN 0945-AA11 / Hubert H. Humphrey Building, Room 509F / 200 Independence Avenue SW / Washington, DC 20201.

The Power Of A Single Photograph

Posted on by Guest

Content warning for mentions of ableism and sexual violence (no details).

colored graphics with text: "The Power of a Single Photograph | Canadian Sex Therapist | Chronic Sex"

There are three things you need to know about me:
I am 29 years old.
I identify as a cis queer woman.
And I have Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a psychiatric disorder characterised by disruption of identity in which there are two or more distinct identity states (dissociative identities [personalities]) associated with marked discontinuities in the sense of self and agency. Each personality state includes its own pattern of experiencing, perceiving, conceiving, and relating to self, the body, and the environment. At least two distinct personality states recurrently take executive control of the individual’s consciousness and functioning in interacting with others or with the environment, such as in the performance of specific aspects of daily life such as parenting, or work, or in response to specific situations (e.g., those that are perceived as threatening). Changes in personality state are accompanied by related alterations in sensation, perception, affect, cognition, memory, motor control, and behaviour. There are typically episodes of amnesia, which may be severe. The symptoms are not better explained by another mental, behavioural or neurodevelopmental disorder and are not due to the direct effects of a substance or medication on the central nervous system, including withdrawal effects, and are not due to a disease of the nervous system or a sleep-wake disorder. The symptoms result in significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational or other critical areas of functioning.

I struggled with DID my entire life, but wasn’t diagnosed until my mid-20s and soon I will celebrate my 6th year of diagnosis. I had gone through essentially the first quarter of my life completely oblivious that the life I thought and believed was mine was shared with, at the time, 3 alternative identities (alters). My life is still a struggle, but the diagnosis is earth-shattering. Finally, I had a label that helped me get access to specific treatment paths that had previously been denied to me. But it also labelled me as “insane,” “crazy,” and incapable.

My continued struggle further cemented these adverse labels to medical personnel who categorically ignored the continuing trauma and violence I experienced as a mentally ill queer woman who after diagnosis experience heinous sexual violence. Instead, I became “uncooperative,” and “untreatable” a label used with great prejudice after I fought for my social work education and eventual licensure.

Because of these stigmas and reoccurring ableism, I was forced to take the treatment of my DID into my own hands. Many DID systems face two separate possibilities of cohesion: integrate or co-consciousness. Integration is the process of the all or some alters to become one unique identity either with the host or core (the original personality) or another alter. Co-conscious is a process where both the alters and the host work together, and there are more flexibility and choice. To put it simply; the analogy of driving a car can be used to describe co-consciousness. Right now as I write this, I am in charge, driving the car, and the goal is in the passenger seat with a full view of what is happening. Or be in the back seat, not a full view but still have an idea of what is happening. As it is right now when one of my alters starts ‘driving’; I’m in the trunk. No memory, no idea what has transpired. Zero context available to me.

My goal is co-conscious. I want to be in the passenger seat or the back seat. The trunk is dark and somewhat traumatising. To achieve this has required countless hours in therapy, passive-aggressive comments that treatment is not ‘working’ by ‘well-meaning’ family members who have no clue. For co-conscious to be possible means that everyone has to want it.

Continue reading “The Power Of A Single Photograph” →

S2E14: Mari of Sick Sad World

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

a black background with bright swirly lines and text: Chronic Sex Podcast | Season 2, Episode 14 | Mari of Sick Sad World

Today, I’m talking with Mari. They are a writer, podcaster, and model living in Toronto. We talk about their spooky podcast, Sick Sad World, and how it got started. Like all great conversations, we touch on languages, colonialism, bullying, and the hope we both have in the younger generation.

Make sure to check out their site, Indivisible Writing, and their Twitter. You can listen to Sick Sad World here (or wherever you catch your pods) and stay in the loop by following the show’s Twitter account. Consider supporting Mari & Jasmine’s work on Sick Sad World on Patreon.

Pieces mentioned in the show:

Oh! And don’t forget to take this survey on chronic pain & kink!

Continue reading “S2E14: Mari of Sick Sad World” →

S2E12: The Problem with Woodhull and Tantus

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

TW discussion of sterilization, and mentions of rape and incest.

photo of a person sitting on a dimly lit street with their back turned against a white background - the background has black text - Season 2, Episode 12 - The Problem with Woodhull & Tantus

Today, I’m rambling about the Woodhull Foundation and Tantus – and how they’ve messed up big time.

And, finally, on a happy note: Kate over at Girly Juice wrote a great post about the 25 Sex Educators/Writers of Color You Should Follow Right Now.

PS my sound gets crappy. I’m not sure why, but I’m going to look at a new mic today.

Transcript

Welcome, so the chronic sex podcast, chronic sex talks about how self love relationships, sex and sexuality are all affected by chronic illness and disability. That’s not all though. We’ll also touch on intersectionality, social justice, empathy, current events, and much, much more. Given the range of subject matter. This podcast is not suitable for those under the age of 18 and unless you have headphones You probably shouldn’t be listening to us at work. My name’s Kirsten Schultz and I’m your host.

Continue reading “S2E12: The Problem with Woodhull and Tantus” →

What To Do When Your STI Clinic Isn’t Accessible

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

This post is sponsored by Health Labs. All content is mine, though, as usual.

black and white background and text: "what to do when your sti clinic isn't accessible - chronic sex"

It’s happened to a lot of us. You open your phone to a text from a former hookup saying, “Hey, you should probably get tested…” As a sex educator, I know those conversations are hard. How are you supposed to respond? Do you say, “Hey, thanks for the heads up” or get defensive? Do you hold space for them?

Actionably following up on these texts can be even more difficult. Where do you go? Should you see your primary doctor, or will that bring up shame? Does your local Planned Parenthood have openings anytime soon? Is there another testing option?

While these situations are difficult for any person, they often get harder for many of us. As someone who is genderfluid, queer, and disabled, I have to prepare myself for crappy interactions, especially in health care.

For one, STI clinics are notoriously inaccessible. They’re often small and crowded. Like Andrew, we may not even be able to get inside a testing location. There may be no temperature control inside. Workers there may wear too much perfume or use plug-in fragrance dispensers. People like Rachael and I – and many others – would need extra medication, transportation, and scent-proof masks to protect ourselves.

Again, like Andrew, we may encounter health care providers who are shocked that we’re having sex. This is especially true when we’ve visibly disabled or even fat. It feels like going into a losing battle when I know I have to defend myself.

On top of that, testing almost always means having to ‘come out’ in one sense or another. Providers need to know which spaces to swab and take a look at. Even though we should be able to have these conversations, they also open us up for judgments. Are these providers queer friendly? Will they judge me based on my gender expression and genitals? Do they think non-monogamy is satanic?

For those of us who live in less accepting or rural spaces, we may not have a space safe enough to go for testing. When I was growing up in Eugene, most adults in my family had the same primary care doctor. Today, the man is nearly 60 years old. He has seen each generation from my great grandparents to me when I was little.

Would I be able to trust that he wouldn’t share an STI test with gossiping gals in my family? I honestly don’t think I could.

For people who are on their parents’ or someone else’s insurance, a concern over privacy goes way deeper than for others. A statement or explanation of benefits often gets sent to the person in whose name the insuarnce is listed. If you’re a young adult whose parents don’t know you’re sexually active, you might be forced to have that conversation.

“What do I do when there’s not a good space to go?”

This is one of those moments I thank the deities for the internet.

There are tests out there you can easily order online. I don’t trust a lot of them, though, if they don’t run through proper labs.

You can always reach out to organizations such as Planned Parenthood to find clinics near you they’d endorse. You can also call around to local clinics and ask about any accessibility needs you may have. Of course, that’s not a great option for many of us who have anxiety around phone calls, but it could be a viable alternative.

Thankfully, Health Labs also has a great selection of STI-related tests! I’d recommend their Comprehensive STD Panel, unless you’re only looking for a specific STI test. You can see their offerings here.

How does it work?

Health Labs works with Quest Diagnostics and have a handy testing center locator. You can contact locations and ask about their accessibility before you pay, too, which is nice. I’d much rather know that a space traditionally uses air deoderizers that I’m allergic to than have no idea – at least I can prepare!

First, you go order your test and pay for it on the site. They don’t accept insurance which can helpful for anyone worried about an insurance issue.

Then, you simply show up at whatever location works best for you with your receipt to get your tests done. There’s no scheduling to do!

You get your test results within a couple days. You’re alerted via email that your results are in. All you have to do is log into your account to view them.

Make sure to get in touch with a health care provider for the proper treatment if you test positive for anything. Many STIs can be cleared up with a course of antibiotics! During the time you receive treatment, it’s important to take proper precautions with partners. It’s no fun to pass any infection back and forth!

Above all, remember to have conversations with recent partners if you test positive for an STI. Their consent relies on your disclosure.

Sexuality Conferences and the Myths of Accessibility

Posted on by Guest

photo of a white male in a business suit leaving a wheelchair and walking up a set of stairs; blue text - "Sexuality Conferences and the Myths of Accessibility"; black text - "Avery Heimann, Chronic Sex"

I’ve been having an intense amount of anxiety writing this guest post for Chronic Sex. Partly because I think it’s impossible for to keep the flow of topics coherent… partly because, while I idealize having a more constructive and tangible approach to accessibility, I also find myself grappling with useful application versus itemized fetishization of accessibility. The anxiety also stems from feeling overwhelmed by what is going on in social media lately regarding accountability, call-outs, call-ins, privilege, and marginalization. I started writing this post at work last week during a double shift after just meeting my newborn nibling. I was optimistic, energized, and ready to write. I want to continue this post from the position I am in now: confused, jaded, anxious, and exhausted…

The following exercise requires flexible and consensual execution. Take what you want from it, throw away what you don’t:

Exist for a moment. Try to be present in your body if you can. If you can’t, try to take some time and think about what is keeping you from being present. If this amplifies stressors to an unmanageable level, I take responsibility and am prepared to be called-out for that at some point. I’m writing this post to a rhetorical “everyone and no one” through a medium which doesn’t allow for immediate communication. It puts me in a position of power I am not comfortable with, yet I continue to press on with the risks of making harmful mistakes. I am ready to learn, and it is sometimes unfair that a stationary “one-sided” blog post is how that process catalyzes.

If you are not present in your body, if you do not want to be present in this post, try to find an awareness of what that feels like, how it is named, how it manifests through sensation. If you have become so unbearably frustrated with this exercise and my ramblings that you’re ready to click off this post altogether, confront that very real possibility. I believe it can be infuriatingly difficult to pay attention to ourselves at varying levels, especially in unknown environments.

Continue reading “Sexuality Conferences and the Myths of Accessibility” →

Allowing Ourselves to Feel Our Feelings

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

A few years ago – when I was still doing talk therapy – I brought T with me a couple of times. I felt like there was tension we needed to talk out, and I was right. It just wasn’t the tension I was expecting.

TW for abuse, shitty parenting, emotional incest, self-harm

dark blue background with teal bubbles and white text: Allowing Ourselves to Feel Our Feelings - and teal text: Chronic Sex; on right, photo of a white person covering their mouth

Growing up, I’ve always been that person who tries to cheer everyone up. It’s a habit that developed early in life. Living between two combative abusers, I learned very quickly that they were less likely to cause harm if they were happy. Naturally, then, anytime they were sad or upset, I would do my darnedest to cheer them up.

It’s a large part of why I’m such a sticker around rules, too. If rules are followed, rule-makers don’t harm us, right? (Of course, the political activist in me shudders at that sentence and wants to vomit, but it is what it is I guess?)

Of course, that also meant hiding a lot of my own feelings for the ‘benefit’ of others. For a long time, I had two moods – happy and brooding. When I was happy, I would dance to the latest radio pop and hip-hop songs. When I wasn’t, I listened to a lot of Linkin Park and the beginnings of screamo.

It’s hard to find healthy coping mechanisms in a space full of harm. When I got out and away from my family, I still had to deal with a lot of abuse. It wasn’t until four years ago when I cut contact with my mother that I actually was able to start healing.

The euphoria of that separation, of cutting off codependency and emotional incest, combined with getting married was something I was able to ride for a long time. As they always do, though, that high wore off. I began to realize that I wasn’t as healed as I thought. That’s when I started therapy which helped for a little while.

Continue reading “Allowing Ourselves to Feel Our Feelings” →