Category: ableism

SSC is Ableist – Let’s Use RACK Instead

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

TW saneism, ableism

photo of a long haired person looking away from the camera with black text: SSC is Ableist - Let's Use RACK Instead and Chronic Sex

There is one well-known tenet in the BDSM and kink world – all parties must give consent. That said, there are a few different ideas around that consent. Two ways of talking about it are SSC and RACK. Today, we’re gonna look at both.

Definitions

Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC)

SSC is a long-standing term within kink communities. It means that acts should be safe, agreed to under a ‘sane’ frame of mind, and obviously should be consensual. The term came about in the early 1980s from the S&M scene’s David Stein.

Risk-Aware Consensual Kink

This term from the late 1990s came from Gary Switch who wanted to have a more fitting acronym for kink play. The idea of replacing safe with risk-aware acknowledges that safety is almost never ensured in anything we do. Instead, we should be aware of the risks before engaging in an activity. This is also why I’ve started to call ‘safe’ sex risk-aware sex instead. It’s just more accurate.

Other terms you might see:

  • Committed, Compassionate, Consensual (CCC)
  • Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK)
  • Communities may also have their own terms

Each of these alternate terms remove some of the stigma SSC was meant to fight without making false claims about safety. They also remove the ableist component present in SSC.

SSC is Ableist

I’m not sane. My depression, anxiety, and PTSD ensure that. There is no condition I will ever be in that makes me sane in body or mind. As someone who engages in kink to help my chronic pain and PTSD, I need a community that uses a more accurate and compassionate term.

I hesitate to think who I would be without my chronic pain or mental health issues. What I can say is I’d likely not be involved in kink. I’m definitely not alone in that.

We’ve all grown so much since SSC came about. Hell, I wasn’t even born! We should be growing the terms we use for our communities, too. In an age where we’re focused on highlighting marginalized voices, can we really afford alienating some because we don’t want to use a new term? I don’t think so.

Stop Using Phobia When You Mean Bigotry

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Photo of a neon rainbow heart with multiple colors of text on the left: " phobia is ableist - being a bigot isn’t an illness - be a disability ally - use misia instead ”

TW ableist language, discussion of bigotry

When someone uses the term ‘transphobia,’ my little disabled nonbinary heart sinks. I know they mean well, but the unseen ableism in their sentences immediately makes me realize I’m not safe.

Let’s unpack that.

Phobia means fear. More specifically, a phobia is an anxiety condition.

Arachnophobia, for example, is a horrible fear of spiders. If someone has this phobia, they experience incredible fear. They might scream, cry, sweat, have a racing heartbeat, and more. Like with PTSD, this is a physiological reaction.

Unfortunately, many people equate bigoted remarks like hatred of trans people to these terrible and debilitating fears.

They are, in no way, related.

The word xenophobic – which is constantly used for those who prefer isolationist and white supremacist policies – is an actual real phobia. People with xenophobia have a terrible fear of strangers. That word isn’t inherently a sign of bigotry.

Using these terms as though they’re the same is not only rude as fuck but ableist. It belittles the fear people with phobias deal with as well as the lengths they try to go to in order to protect themselves.

People say that phobia has many meanings. While it’s true that it’s used differently in biology, for example, than towards humans, there is still harm in using phobia. Like with many ableist phrases and words, it builds on the harm caused to us over millennia of ableism.

But what else can we use?

Before we get into this, there are a few things to acknowledge. I recognize that there is a certain amount of privilege in learning these different terms. I am someone who is in a position to share this information with those who may not hear it otherwise.

What many people mean to say when they say transphobic is someone who hates trans people. So, let’s say that.

The suffix misia/misic is a great stand-in for phobia/phobic. It literally means hate.

Anti-X or ___antagonistic are great alternatives. They truly showcase someone’s sentiments because, in reality, these aren’t usually built on fear. They’re built in pseudo-patriotism, hatred, and religious bigotry.

I’m not the only disabled person fighting for this.

There’s a great quote in an Everyday Feminism piece on this topic from a few years ago: “The use of ‘-phobia’ as a suffix erodes the dictionary meaning of the word, but more importantly, it is one tool that helps society forget that phobias are real phenomena that affect real people every day, some of whom, like myself and my friends, are queer and trans.”

Let’s actively make the decision to be more linguistically precise as we choose less ableist and oppressive language.

Is Integrity A Thing Anymore?

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

cream background with red text: " Is Integrity A Thing Anymore? " and " Chronic Sex " to the left of a hand surrounded by a circle

Last year, I worked with Eventbrite on a post over on my muggle site. They reached back out to see if I would work with them on another thing this month. Instead of a happy email back, they got a note from me about how their recent TOS change harms sex workers. [Edit: they changed their guidelines (not TOS – oops) to exclude information related to sex and explicit things.]

Miss out on SESTA/FOSTA stuff? Click here.

Changes companies make matter. SESTA/FOSTA inspired changes have wound up leading to sex workers moving to street work – and several sex workers dying or being harmed by doing so. I can’t, in good conscience, work with companies that are okay with harming people – especially when sex work is one of the most accessible forms of work.

This brings up some feels I’m having around how much we promote companies or people when we don’t agree with their ethics.

I get so surprised when I see people happily working with entities that suck and go against a lot of what they do. I guess I shouldn’t be quite as surprised as I always am. After all, we live in a capitalist society. On top of that, it’s easy to rationalize that we need money over our integrity.

It reminds me of the situation with Tantus at Woodhull last year. The owner partook in gaslighting conference attendees over ableism. I was done. I canceled my affiliate account with them at the airport. Honestly, I don’t care if that means I missed out on making money.

Personally, it’s more important for me to help take a stand. I’d rather miss out on something because I give a shit than be rolling in the dough.

We all need to ask ourselves at what point we’re willing to put our integrity into question by working with questionable people in order to reach their audiences or make money, etc. Is it worth compromising our ethics?

If we say yes, where do we stop? It’s a slippery slope – “I’ll just write one post for X. It’s fine.” Pretty soon you become part of the establishment you’re fighting to dismantle.

Capitalism and compromising our values lead down some shit roads, fam.

There are better ways to reach people than to put up with abusers or unethical entities. Always.

We can do better.

We can always do better.