Category: accessibility

Yellow graphic with megaphone. Text reads "Do you use adaptive equipment or assistive technology to get around, communicate, or complete tasks? Have you ever had trouble getting the equipment and technology you need? Have you ever struggled to get your equipment repaired or to make your equipment work better for you?" Link is https://tinyurl.com/disabilitytechjustice

Disability and Technology Policy Survey

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Researchers at Purdue University are studying how disability and technology policy can change to make life better for people who use adaptive equipment and assistive technology:

We are investigating how people with disabilities in the United States qualify for, access, and maintain adaptive and assistive technologies. This study explores people’s experiences with acquiring, maintaining, and advocating for assistive and adaptive technology. We are collecting this information to inform future technology design, changes in technology policy, and to support a public information campaign, all of which we hope will improve technology access for people with disabilities in the United States. Your participation in this study will take 10-20 minutes of your time.

You are being asked to participate in this survey because you are a person with a disability who uses adaptive or assistive technology. We would like to enroll at least 250 people in this study. The survey will close if we reach 1000 responses. In total, this project will involve up to 1120 participants across multiple stakeholder groups and data collection methods.

You will be asked a series of questions about your experiences with adaptive and assistive technology. After completion of the survey, you are invited to email the researchers if you are interested in participating in longer format interviews about the same topic.

The survey will take approximately 20 minutes or less.

To participate or for more details, click here.

Review: Sola Sync

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Between my divorce last year and a million other things going on, I’ve fallen way behind on posting reviews. That changes now, with this inaugural Reviews Day Tuesday post. Stay tuned for more reviews!

photo of the sola sync - a purple wand style sex toy with a round separate remote control against a turquoise comforter

A while back, I picked up the Sola Sync as a present to myself. I don’t normally buy a ton of toys since I get to test a lot, but I really wanted this one.

Before I dig into my thoughts, here are the Sync’s stats:

  • Made of silicone with a satin finish
  • Flexible massage head
  • 10 vibrating functions, 5 multi-speed options, and 5 unique patterns
  • Wireless remote
  • The wand is waterproof (but not the remote)
  • AC/USB charger
  • LED indicator on toy and remote
  • Ergonomically designed
  • Up to 1.5 hours of play on a single charge
  • Comes with a storage pouch that’s lint-free and antibacterial
  • 5-year warranty

There are some toys that I just can’t bring myself to touch again because they’re far too gendered. Thankfully, this toy is so incredibly soft, both in touch and look, without being overtly and exclusionarily femme. From the first time I saw this toy at Woodhull in 2017, I knew it was something that I would enjoy. Between the ergonomic design, the remote, and the absolutely gorgeous color, I couldn’t get it out of my head and had to have it. The Sync is also the softest toy I’ve ever touched. It was one of the few toys I could consistently use while dealing with intense pelvic floor pain.

The remote addressed one of my least favorite things about other wands like the Doxy – removing the issue of having to fumble with buttons while you’re close to orgasm. The number of times I’ve turned off the Doxy or Magic Wand while using it on myself or others? Way too many. With the Sync? Once or twice.

Plus, no pesky cords restricting you to an outlet!

I bought this before I bought a Hitachi Magic Wand. For those who have utilized the Magic Wand, the Sync:

  • Is slightly buzzier at the lowest level
  • Is easier to hold due to lighter weight and ergonomic design
  • Has a head that seems to diffuse vibration easier
  • Is easier to find buttons on the actual device
  • Comes with a remote
  • Has higher settings are more directed and powerful than Magic Wand in some aspects
  • Offers more stimulation options (e.g., for edging, etc.) due to head design

As someone who has gotten more and more adventurous, one of the other things I appreciate about the Sync is that it’s easier than other toys to insert it into orifices. It’s honestly the one wand toy that I could see using – with a partner – anally.

The one thing I wish was slightly different is the charging system. The power source is a USB, but it connects to this toy via aux jack. For me, that allows far too much opportunity for potential charging issues due to buildup of dust, lube, etc. Due to that, this is a toy you absolutely need to clean every single time you utilize it – no letting it possibly sit overnight, etc.

I wouldn’t mind a longer use time for the charging time, too, but that’s a very minor issue.

The verdict? Get this toy!

Honestly, this is one toy that I feel like everyone should own. It’s incredibly accessible from a physical standpoint, especially with the remote. It has an amazing range and variety of vibrations available to use. Plus, it’s so gorgeous in design that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to leave it out on a shelf in my bedroom permanently

You can get your own Sola Sync from Peepshow Toys.

Take Action Now on Section 1557 of the ACA

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

I’m passing this along from NCIL (which I know has been problematic as of late) because this is incredibly important to every community I work with. Please consider reaching out and speaking up.

On June 14, 2019, the Trump Administration published a proposed regulation that would roll back the nondiscrimination protections under Section 1557 of the Affordable Care Act (ACA). Section 1557 is the provision of the ACA that prohibits discrimination in healthcare programs and activities on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, age, or disability. The Administration’s proposal is extremely dangerous and discriminatory, and we need to do everything we can to stop this proposal from being finalized!

Specifically, the proposal would limit the number of health programs subject to Section 1557, and it would narrow the scope of the protections under Section 1557 in the following ways:

• Gender identity and sex stereotyping would be completely eliminated from the definition of sex discrimination, the definition of gender identity would be eliminated, and all references to sexual orientation in HHS regulations would be erased. This could allow healthcare providers to deny transgender people gender-affirming care, and would result in queer and trans people being significantly less likely to get quality healthcare and more likely to face discrimination, abuse, or refusals of care.

• Requirements for notices and taglines that let people with Limited English Proficiency (LEP) know about language access services, including services for disabled people, would no longer be required.

• Healthcare providers would be able to refuse care and justify it under Title IX’s religious exemption. This would allow healthcare providers to discriminate against or deny abortions, reproductive health services, or other health services that a provider says violates their religious beliefs.

• The ban on insurance plan discrimination on the basis of disability, age, and other factors would be removed, which would disproportionately impact people with disabilities and chronic illnesses. The removal of protections around benefit design would disproportionately impact people with HIV/AIDS and other disabilities and chronic illnesses that may be treated or managed with more expensive medications or other treatments.

• The requirement for healthcare providers to share notices that inform people of their nondiscrimination policy, their rights, how to file complaints if they are discriminated against, and other information would be completely eliminated.

All the above proposed changes will impact disabled people. In addition, the Administration is specifically seeking comments on questions related to disability access.

Specifically, they have asked for feedback regarding:

• Effective Communication: Whether to remove the requirement for covered providers with less than 15 employees to provide auxiliary aids and services.

• Accessibility Standards: Whether to continue to apply the 2010 ADA Standards to all entities under Section 1557, specifically in regard to benefits to disabled people versus burdens on private entities (see 45 CFR 92.103).

• Reasonable Modifications: Whether to keep current language regarding accommodations that is derived from Title II of the ADA, or to substitute with language conforming to Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act. Current language (based on the ADA) states that covered entities must make reasonable modifications to policies, practices, or procedures when necessary to avoid discrimination on the basis of disability, except if the modification would fundamentally alter the nature of the health program or activity. Proposed new language (based on the Rehabilitation Act) states that covered entities shall make reasonable accommodation to the known physical or mental limitations of an otherwise qualified individual with a disability. In this section, they also seek comment on whether to include an exemption for “undue hardship” (see 45 CFR 92.105).

It is clear that if this attempted rollback is finalized, disabled people and many others will be significantly less likely to receive quality healthcare or to file grievances when discriminated against. Disabled people would also not be provided with the resources they need to know about those things in the first place.

Take Action!

The comment period closes on August 13, 2019 at 11:59 Eastern, so please submit comments as soon as possible! Your comments should explain why you oppose this proposed change, and you should address as many of the specific proposed changes and questions as possible. This is a cruel attack on people who already experience discrimination in healthcare settings, and this proposal will only make things worse. We must ensure the Administration hears from as many of us as possible!

Comments can be submitted online through the Federal eRulemaking Portal (preferred) or by mail.

• Federal eRulemaking Portal: You may submit electronic comments at regulations.gov/comment?D=HHS-OCR-2019-0007-0001 or by going to regulations.gov and searching for the Docket ID number HHS-OCR-2019-0007. Click on “Comment Now” and you can type your comments into the comment box or upload a document.

• Regular, Express, or Overnight Mail: Your comments must be postmarked by the comment submission deadline (August 13, 2019). You may mail comments to U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office for Civil Rights / Attention: Section 1557 NPRM, RIN 0945-AA11 / Hubert H. Humphrey Building, Room 509F / 200 Independence Avenue SW / Washington, DC 20201.

Have You Heard of the Sick Theories Conference?

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

pale pink poster with black and white square floral design on top half, bottom half: “Sick Theories” in script, with additional text - ‘A trans-disciplinary conference on sickness and sexuality - WHEN November 8-9, 2018 / WHERE Jackman Humanities Building 170 St. George st. - University of Toronto / KEYNOTE Johanna Hedva / FIND US sicktheories.com // sicktheories@gmail.com - poster illustration by Sabrina Scott, poster design by Hannah Browne

Sick Theories is a two-day trans-disciplinary conference by and for those who identify as sick, disabled, and mad happening at the University of Toronto on November 8th and 9th, 2018. Organizers Margeaux Feldman and Lauren Fournier have put together forty activists, academics, writers, artists, and educators who will discuss the relationship between sickness and sexuality through panels, workshops, a keynote, an art exhibition, and artist roundtable.

Feldman, a writer, educator, activist, and English Literature and Sexual Diversity Studies PhD student at the University of Toronto, conceptualized Sick Theories after her fibromyalgia diagnosis and subsequent focus on books about chronic illness. Seeking community beyond the written word, she found a collaborator in Fournier, a writer, curator, and artist.

With focuses on performance and embodied art practices, sick representations, matters of care, and sick pleasures/sick futures, the conference covers a wide array of presentations and discussions. The conference’s keynote is a discussion with contemporary artist and author of Sick Woman Theory Johanna Hedva on their new book On Hell. Panel and workshop topics include: Renee Dumaresque’s “Queering Chronic Vulvar Pain: Erotic Potentialities Cited in Suffering”,  “Calling in Sick” with Taraneh Fazeli, and Clementine Morrigan’s “Fucking Crazy: On Complex Trauma, Surviving Sexual Violence, and Living My Best Slut Life”. In addition to two days of panels and workshops, there will be an artist roundtable, screenings, performances, including works such as Gloria Swain’s Madness & Black Lives Matter, Kristel Jax’s Drone Therapy, and Lynx Sainte-Marie’s Children of O. There will also be a closing reception at historic queer book store and community event venue Glad Day Bookshop.

postcard with 'I don't feel good" written in blue, purple, and red watercolour style against a beige cloth backdrop - photo credit: Yuli Scheidt

Sick Theories is unlike many other conferences not only in its content, but also in its approaches. As finances are often a barrier to access, admission is free. With all tickets sold out and eighty people (and counting) on the waiting list, conference organizers are seeking a larger space. The cost of a larger venue, as well as the costs of other important accessibility considerations, require additional funds which are outside of the scope of a free event. Margeaux Feldman explains: “Unfortunately, the world we live in is deeply inaccessible. As a student-led initiative, Sick Theories has been dependent on grants from the University of Toronto. But the grants that we’ve successfully applied for do not begin to cover the costs of providing adequate ASL [American Sign Language] interpretation or the costs of CART (Communications Access Realtime Translation) — well exceeding what we’d budgeted for.”

To raise the necessary funds, Feldman and Fournier have put together a GoFundMe. With a flexible goal of $5000, the page offers gifts to donors, including Sick Theories tote bags with illustrations by Sabrina Scott, a “Sick Babe” necklace made especially for Sick Theories by Fierce Deer (made with a 14k gold-filled chain), and book bundles, which includes a signed copy of Johanna Hedva’s On Hell, Hana Shafi’s poetry collection It Begins With the Body, and Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha’s book of essays, Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice.

stack of blue, white, and pink books on white brick structure - photo credit: Yuli Scheidt

Feldman adds: “With this GoFundMe, we want to ensure that everyone in the disabled and sick community can be present and comfortable throughout Sick Theories.”

Find out more information about Sick Theories

Support Sick Theories’ Accessibility Fund on GoFundMe

Reach Margeaux Feldman

S2E12: The Problem with Woodhull and Tantus

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

TW discussion of sterilization, and mentions of rape and incest.

photo of a person sitting on a dimly lit street with their back turned against a white background - the background has black text - Season 2, Episode 12 - The Problem with Woodhull & Tantus

Today, I’m rambling about the Woodhull Foundation and Tantus – and how they’ve messed up big time.

And, finally, on a happy note: Kate over at Girly Juice wrote a great post about the 25 Sex Educators/Writers of Color You Should Follow Right Now.

PS my sound gets crappy. I’m not sure why, but I’m going to look at a new mic today.

Transcript

Welcome, so the chronic sex podcast, chronic sex talks about how self love relationships, sex and sexuality are all affected by chronic illness and disability. That’s not all though. We’ll also touch on intersectionality, social justice, empathy, current events, and much, much more. Given the range of subject matter. This podcast is not suitable for those under the age of 18 and unless you have headphones You probably shouldn’t be listening to us at work. My name’s Kirsten Schultz and I’m your host.

Continue reading “S2E12: The Problem with Woodhull and Tantus” →

What To Do When Your STI Clinic Isn’t Accessible

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

This post is sponsored by Health Labs. All content is mine, though, as usual.

black and white background and text: "what to do when your sti clinic isn't accessible - chronic sex"

It’s happened to a lot of us. You open your phone to a text from a former hookup saying, “Hey, you should probably get tested…” As a sex educator, I know those conversations are hard. How are you supposed to respond? Do you say, “Hey, thanks for the heads up” or get defensive? Do you hold space for them?

Actionably following up on these texts can be even more difficult. Where do you go? Should you see your primary doctor, or will that bring up shame? Does your local Planned Parenthood have openings anytime soon? Is there another testing option?

While these situations are difficult for any person, they often get harder for many of us. As someone who is genderfluid, queer, and disabled, I have to prepare myself for crappy interactions, especially in health care.

For one, STI clinics are notoriously inaccessible. They’re often small and crowded. Like Andrew, we may not even be able to get inside a testing location. There may be no temperature control inside. Workers there may wear too much perfume or use plug-in fragrance dispensers. People like Rachael and I – and many others – would need extra medication, transportation, and scent-proof masks to protect ourselves.

Again, like Andrew, we may encounter health care providers who are shocked that we’re having sex. This is especially true when we’ve visibly disabled or even fat. It feels like going into a losing battle when I know I have to defend myself.

On top of that, testing almost always means having to ‘come out’ in one sense or another. Providers need to know which spaces to swab and take a look at. Even though we should be able to have these conversations, they also open us up for judgments. Are these providers queer friendly? Will they judge me based on my gender expression and genitals? Do they think non-monogamy is satanic?

For those of us who live in less accepting or rural spaces, we may not have a space safe enough to go for testing. When I was growing up in Eugene, most adults in my family had the same primary care doctor. Today, the man is nearly 60 years old. He has seen each generation from my great grandparents to me when I was little.

Would I be able to trust that he wouldn’t share an STI test with gossiping gals in my family? I honestly don’t think I could.

For people who are on their parents’ or someone else’s insurance, a concern over privacy goes way deeper than for others. A statement or explanation of benefits often gets sent to the person in whose name the insuarnce is listed. If you’re a young adult whose parents don’t know you’re sexually active, you might be forced to have that conversation.

“What do I do when there’s not a good space to go?”

This is one of those moments I thank the deities for the internet.

There are tests out there you can easily order online. I don’t trust a lot of them, though, if they don’t run through proper labs.

You can always reach out to organizations such as Planned Parenthood to find clinics near you they’d endorse. You can also call around to local clinics and ask about any accessibility needs you may have. Of course, that’s not a great option for many of us who have anxiety around phone calls, but it could be a viable alternative.

Thankfully, Health Labs also has a great selection of STI-related tests! I’d recommend their Comprehensive STD Panel, unless you’re only looking for a specific STI test. You can see their offerings here.

How does it work?

Health Labs works with Quest Diagnostics and have a handy testing center locator. You can contact locations and ask about their accessibility before you pay, too, which is nice. I’d much rather know that a space traditionally uses air deoderizers that I’m allergic to than have no idea – at least I can prepare!

First, you go order your test and pay for it on the site. They don’t accept insurance which can helpful for anyone worried about an insurance issue.

Then, you simply show up at whatever location works best for you with your receipt to get your tests done. There’s no scheduling to do!

You get your test results within a couple days. You’re alerted via email that your results are in. All you have to do is log into your account to view them.

Make sure to get in touch with a health care provider for the proper treatment if you test positive for anything. Many STIs can be cleared up with a course of antibiotics! During the time you receive treatment, it’s important to take proper precautions with partners. It’s no fun to pass any infection back and forth!

Above all, remember to have conversations with recent partners if you test positive for an STI. Their consent relies on your disclosure.

Sexuality Conferences and the Myths of Accessibility

Posted on by Guest

photo of a white male in a business suit leaving a wheelchair and walking up a set of stairs; blue text - "Sexuality Conferences and the Myths of Accessibility"; black text - "Avery Heimann, Chronic Sex"

I’ve been having an intense amount of anxiety writing this guest post for Chronic Sex. Partly because I think it’s impossible for to keep the flow of topics coherent… partly because, while I idealize having a more constructive and tangible approach to accessibility, I also find myself grappling with useful application versus itemized fetishization of accessibility. The anxiety also stems from feeling overwhelmed by what is going on in social media lately regarding accountability, call-outs, call-ins, privilege, and marginalization. I started writing this post at work last week during a double shift after just meeting my newborn nibling. I was optimistic, energized, and ready to write. I want to continue this post from the position I am in now: confused, jaded, anxious, and exhausted…

The following exercise requires flexible and consensual execution. Take what you want from it, throw away what you don’t:

Exist for a moment. Try to be present in your body if you can. If you can’t, try to take some time and think about what is keeping you from being present. If this amplifies stressors to an unmanageable level, I take responsibility and am prepared to be called-out for that at some point. I’m writing this post to a rhetorical “everyone and no one” through a medium which doesn’t allow for immediate communication. It puts me in a position of power I am not comfortable with, yet I continue to press on with the risks of making harmful mistakes. I am ready to learn, and it is sometimes unfair that a stationary “one-sided” blog post is how that process catalyzes.

If you are not present in your body, if you do not want to be present in this post, try to find an awareness of what that feels like, how it is named, how it manifests through sensation. If you have become so unbearably frustrated with this exercise and my ramblings that you’re ready to click off this post altogether, confront that very real possibility. I believe it can be infuriatingly difficult to pay attention to ourselves at varying levels, especially in unknown environments.

Continue reading “Sexuality Conferences and the Myths of Accessibility” →

Stonewall Inn Doesn’t Know the ADA

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

This week, they turned away a blind person with their service dog.

The manager was cavalier about it. They were adamant that there was some sort of documentation required.

There isn’t.

Thankfully, a friend with them recorded a video of the ordeal. You can catch a transcript here.

Help me tell Stonewall Inn that they need to get their ish together.

https://youtu.be/jllzH3XPIlE

Update: Them put up a story about this as well.

Final update: As of June 9th,  Stonewall finally provided a meaningful statement to yours truly. They’ve apologized and will be offering an ADA training for bars and clubs in the area. They are going to have the disability rights lawyer they’re working with go over a variety of accessibility issues with them. They’re also going to make donations via their charity to a disability org. They didn’t tell me what, if anything, would go on with manager Mike… which I’m still not pleased about… I’m still going to be keeping an eye on them. This isn’t the first story of discrimination, and I doubt it’ll be the last.

Is Integrity A Thing Anymore?

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

cream background with red text: " Is Integrity A Thing Anymore? " and " Chronic Sex " to the left of a hand surrounded by a circle

Last year, I worked with Eventbrite on a post over on my muggle site. They reached back out to see if I would work with them on another thing this month. Instead of a happy email back, they got a note from me about how their recent TOS change harms sex workers. [Edit: they changed their guidelines (not TOS – oops) to exclude information related to sex and explicit things.]

Miss out on SESTA/FOSTA stuff? Click here.

Changes companies make matter. SESTA/FOSTA inspired changes have wound up leading to sex workers moving to street work – and several sex workers dying or being harmed by doing so. I can’t, in good conscience, work with companies that are okay with harming people – especially when sex work is one of the most accessible forms of work.

This brings up some feels I’m having around how much we promote companies or people when we don’t agree with their ethics.

I get so surprised when I see people happily working with entities that suck and go against a lot of what they do. I guess I shouldn’t be quite as surprised as I always am. After all, we live in a capitalist society. On top of that, it’s easy to rationalize that we need money over our integrity.

It reminds me of the situation with Tantus at Woodhull last year. The owner partook in gaslighting conference attendees over ableism. I was done. I canceled my affiliate account with them at the airport. Honestly, I don’t care if that means I missed out on making money.

Personally, it’s more important for me to help take a stand. I’d rather miss out on something because I give a shit than be rolling in the dough.

We all need to ask ourselves at what point we’re willing to put our integrity into question by working with questionable people in order to reach their audiences or make money, etc. Is it worth compromising our ethics?

If we say yes, where do we stop? It’s a slippery slope – “I’ll just write one post for X. It’s fine.” Pretty soon you become part of the establishment you’re fighting to dismantle.

Capitalism and compromising our values lead down some shit roads, fam.

There are better ways to reach people than to put up with abusers or unethical entities. Always.

We can do better.

We can always do better.

Proud Moment

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

I wrote this in the wee small hours this past Sunday morning while hanging out with my roommates for the last night of the Playground Conference in Toronto.

a photo of three mixed media hearts hanging with white text - "Proud Moment Chronic Sex"

A few weeks ago, I had a really nice conversation with my husband. Don’t get me wrong – 98% of our conversations are nice. This one was different, though.

First, some backstory

T has never really had to encounter physical health issues until he met me. Things like accessibility weren’t things that he needed to think about on a daily basis. Even when we were early on in our relationship, I was ‘good enough’ to go without those accommodations – and, honestly, far too proud to use them.

It wasn’t until we moved in together that my everyday health really got bad enough for him to see it. Shortly before that point, I had the worst flare-up of my SJIA since childhood – something that’s thankfully yet to be topped. I had a combination of my rash. It’s a salmon pink rash that usually will show up in the evening around 5 and then again before bed.

Fun fact – this rash is itchy for 5% of peeps. Of course, I would be in that smaller percentage. On top of that, I was also dealing with intense hive-like welts. These can be my SJIA rash, but it only was like that when I was extremely ill in childhood.

I wound up stuck in my apartment for a while dealing with this pain and discomfort. I used icy hot for the first and last time due to the inability to wash it off my hands and use of masturbation for pain control. It just felt like the universe was adding on too much shit.

Long story short, the last thing I wanted was for T to see me like that. I didn’t really see him for the worst of that time. It wasn’t that help wouldn’t have been useful, but I was also aware that it would be terrible to see. I could barely move my fingers, wrists, ankles, and toes. My face swelled to the point where I didn’t look like me.

From that point on, I became a stickler for accessibility.

Fast forward

A few months ago, I wrote the piece about adding image descriptions. As I say in that post, it’s something I think more and more about as I grow older. Already dealing with worsening vision on top of a history of iritis and anterior basement membrane dystrophy, I think about often what will happen when my sight continues to decline. From a very selfish standpoint, I know that I want to be able to imagine what my niblings look like as they grow and accomplish so much.

After I wrote that piece and had been circulating it, my husband stopped to consider the work involved with putting image descriptions up. T asked if there was any specific way you’re supposed to compose descriptions, so I gave him the short verbal version of the post. While I was grateful he asked, I thought it was more about the fact that I had written about it that prompted these questions. After the last few years, I’ve grown less hopeful about reasons behind people’s questions – even those closest to me.

We’re very active in podcast-related facebook groups. As T becomes more active in these spaces, I’ve noticed his focus on helping others grow. He has always been a helpful and very kind dude, but it’s becoming even more pronounced. I like to think that we bring out the kindest and more passionate parts of each other.

Sometimes the two notions fight each other. Being passionate sometimes curtails our ability to be kind because, for example, anyone can understand why a parent might want to park closer if they leave children in the car. However, passion (and law) says parking in an accessible spot to do so without an accessible parking permit is wrong.

Also, yes, this really happened a few years ago at one of our favorite pizza places – after an ice storm. Yeah, the face you’re making? Same.

One of the reasons why people call me a bitch or asshole is because I don’t hide my passion for the comfort of others, especially when they need to understand how harmful they’ve been and/or if people don’t share the same marginalizations. That can make it much harder to understand and even empathize.

Honestly, when T asks me questions about accessibility stuff, I geek out. It’s like asking me about sex. Hello! So, naturally, I talked a lot about the description question.

The proudest

T began to use image descriptions regularly in groups. He is working on being more accessible, not just because I think it’s good and needed but because he totally gets it. A few years ago, he had Lasik to correct his vision. I think he’s been more mindful about eye stuff ever since.

My favorite thing is that T does this even in spaces I don’t regularly go. There is one FB group for a podcast we both love that I don’t regularly visit because items from racist and TERFy pages get shared. Upon bringing up concerns, I was told that the content itself wasn’t the issue so why would it matter where it came from.

Again, that face you’re making? Like someone just farted right under your nose? SAME.

Anyway, I began to disengage with the group itself because I knew things that brought up harmful feels would be shared. T still adds descriptions in there, even though he knows I probably won’t see it.

Why are you talking about this? It’s 12:30 AM at the end of Playground. You should sleep before your 12-hour drive tomorrow.

This feels like a humble brag, but it’s more than that.

It took me years to feel like T really understood what I meant about a lack of accessibility. Even then, it’s different than him going through these things and truly getting it. Our mental health issues are similar enough that I feel witnessed on that while being able to provide him support, too. The physical limitations are just hard to fully grasp if someone doesn’t go through that.

While sharing a tweet with my roommates that T had put into a group, I nearly cried. Part of it was con drop and the post-exertion stuff. I’m sure part of it was wrapped up in missing T and being excited to see him once I get home. Mostly, it’s about T still being kind T even when I’m not home.

We all change a little bit depending on the people we’re around or situations we find ourselves in. This is the first time I’ve traveled in 2018, though, and the first time I’ve been away since T started writing these descriptions. I think part of me assumed he was only doing it to flatter me – and seeing that’s not the case was really necessary. It was uplifting.

On top of that, I was just really touched by the idea that I got through to him on so many things. It’s hard for the two of us to talk about heavy emotional things and, honestly, I don’t think about what things to discuss based on things we need to ‘fix’ or whatever. I don’t and would never give T a honey-do list on changing for me.

After talking today to a room full of amazing chronic peeps and allies/partners, though? It was like the icing on the cake.