In case you’ve missed it, I’m partnering with SYLK to giveaway two 3 ounce tubes of their awesome lube!
The giveaway is over on Instagram (and below!). Make sure to like both my IG and SYLK’s page. Comment tagging a friend and you’ll both win!
Category: affiliate
4 Tips for Strengthening Your Pelvic Floor
TW: gendered language in most of the links š
Going to pelvic floor therapy this year really taught me a lot. Many of us have been taught that Kegels are the be all end all exercise for our pelvic floor. The reality is much, much different.
The Continence Foundation of AustraliaĀ (CFA) has a great explanation of the pelvic floor, complete with visuals. I highly suggest familiarizing yourself with these muscles. At the very least, visualizing them helped me to understand more about the muscles I was using and which ones I wanted to target with various exercises.
Please check with your doctor before doing these exercises. There are people for whom these will be more harmful than helpful.
Contract, Hold, Relax, Push-Out, Relax
This is one of the most basic pelvic floor exercises (Kegels with a twist!).
Most Kegel-type exercises only focus on the contract, hold, release aspect. However, this ignores a lot of what our muscles need to do. For example, I’ve been doing Kegels at least once a week (usually more) for close to two decades. My pelvic floor was still shit because it would getĀ tooĀ tight and tooĀ tense. You can overwork these muscles – and I was doing just that.
What you want to do with this – after learning more about the pelvic floor and how it works for your genitalia – is tighten your pelvic floor. Do not go 0-100, though. Start low and slow – tighten gradually and go maybe to 50% of what you think you’re capable of. Hold that for ten seconds and release, focusing on getting back to your resting level of tension. Then, push out with those same muscles. Again, go low and slow.
Squats
You can do these on your own, against a wall, or using a leg press. The leg press method might be best for those with mobility issues in their lower body. However, if using this method like I do, there are a number of things you have to keep in mind.
Keep the weight low and your repetitions steady. What you should aim for is a low weight you can press 8-10 reps easily 1-2 times. Using a high weight or trying to do too many repetitions can lead to problems for your pelvic floor, knees, hips, and back.
Regardless of method, you want to contract your pelvic floor during this exercise, but not at 100%. Always aim for a lower intensity with your contractions. You should never extend your knees to the point where they go past your feet.
Bridge
The bridge exercise is one of those mainstays in the exercise world. It’s used in yoga, pilates, and more. It’s a versatile one because it helps us to strengthen our core as well as our back and hips. Wikihow has a great run-down of how to do this.
One of the biggest benefits to this is that you can target different muscles depending on what your goal is. Want to focus on your abdomen? Tighten that as you lift your body. Glutes? Tighten those! The possibilities aren’t endless, but there are a plethora.
I’ve been doing bridges on and off since I was 12. It was one of the very first yoga-type exercises I learned (thanks, Seventeen!) and it’s very helpful. During the time I was in pelvic floor therapy and other physical therapy, this was one of the go-to exercises for both my pelvic floor and my back.
When focusing on your pelvic floor, you want to contract with your stomach as you lift your torso off the floor. Don’t go to 100% here – just focus on tightening a bit to where you’re not uncomfortable.
Core Exercises
Your core helps support your entire body. Strengthening this area can help to alleviate pressure and stress on both your pelvic floor and back. You can have a strong core without having six-pack abs, so don’t feel that you need to subscribe to unrealistic body image ideals.
CFA once again has a great resource for this (PDF). The important thing is to aim for exercises that will strengthen your core without overtaxing your pelvic floor muscles. Things like crunches and sit-ups? Those are things to avoid because what do we do? Clench more muscles than we need to. This can cause or increase problems with our pelvic floor.
Instead, stick to exercises such as wall push-ups, doing the bridge with an exercise ball, modified planks, etc.
Some Notes
The pelvic floor is a complicated thing. It’s a set of three muscle layers that move in ways no other muscles in your body do.Ā These muscles help you in the bathroom, the bedroom, and all throughout the day.
Ignoring them is like always skipping leg day at the gym. You just shouldn’t do it, regardless of your gender or genitals. Being mindful of how you hold tension is very important to ensure your body isn’t harming itself with that tension.
You can snag some lacrosse balls or spiky balls to use on tense muscles in your hip and butt like the piriformis. There are a few other good things you can snag to help with tension in these muscles – I’ve got my favs over on Amazon.
There are some great pelvic floor exercisers out there, too! Take a look at these offerings from Vibrant, Peepshow Toys, and SheVibe.
When in doubt, I’d suggest talking with a pelvic floor therapist for more pointed tips. You can also download CFA’s Pelvic Floor First appĀ for more ideas. I highly suggest browsing their site, too, as it has some great information.
Books I’m Looking Forward To in 2018
Some of these books are out now. It’s close enough to 2018, though, that I’ll never get to them this year! A little disclaimer: I’m not much of a non-fiction person, so you won’t find much from that world here. You’ll find health, history, human rights, comics, and more, though!
Ask Me About My Uterus: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women’s Pain by Abby Norman
Abby is at the top of my list for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I’m lucky enough to know her. She is a large part of why I share the realities of living with chronic illnesses. I won’t ruin Abby’s story by sharing it here, but it’s a harrowing journey full of gaslighting and sexism from medical providers due to being a young woman with excruciating pain. As a fan of Abby’s, I’m so excited to see her writing journey blast off.
The Radium Girls: The Dark Story of America’s Shining Women by Kate Moore
The Radium Girls tells a harrowing story that many don’t know – one of girls working in radium factories. At this point, the dangers of radium weren’t known. Concerns about side effects were ignored and corruption ran rampant. Still, thanks to the women who went through this process, we have tighter regulations on harmful chemicals today.
Big Mushy Happy Lump by Sarah Andersen
If you’re a fan of the Sarah’s Scribbles comics? She talks openly about anxiety, relationships, and adulthood in this latest edition of her work. This came out in March, but I’ve been slow on the uptake!
When They Call You a Terrorist by Patrisse Khan-Cullors & Asha Bandele
Khan-Cullors is a co-founder of Black Lives Matter in addition to being an artist, speaker, activist, and Fulbright scholar. Oh, you know, she also won the 2017 Sydney Peace Prize, right? Bandele is a world-renown journalist and activist with the Drug Policy Alliance. Together, the two explain the founding of BLM while debunking the many myths floating around.
So You Want To Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
Oluo is one of the most prolific writers of our time. She’s not afraid to call-out racism and discrimination when she sees it. In this work, Oluo highlights how racism affects our society from microaggressions to overt actions. In order to become a better accomplice, it’s important to face these issues head-on.
Not That Bad, edited by Roxane Gay
With pieces from notable activists such as Gabrielle Union and Ally Sheedy, this book covers the many ways sexism pervades our society. With the response to the MeToo movement, this is timely and so very needed – especially as many of us recognize how much we shirk off inappropes comments. Topics include immigration, sexual violence, and more.
The World Only Spins Forward: The Ascent of Angels in America by Isaac Butler
It’s been two decades sinceĀ Angels in AmericaĀ hit it big, sweeping awards shows and gaining international praise for its portrayal of queer life and HIV/AIDS activism. This book offers a written oral history account of conversations and debates between many players over the years – actors, producers, and more.
Dread Nation byĀ Justina Ireland
This is the only piece of fiction on the list! I’m a sucker for historical pieces that add in zombies. In this novel, zombies pop up during the Civil War. Jane, the main character, is a black woman who learns everything she can about fighting in order to use her skills in the ‘service’ of others. Race, humanity, and survival all come together in both familiar and new ways.
Invisible: How Young Women with Serious Health Issues Navigate Work, Relationships, and the Pressure to Seem Just Fine by Michelle Lent Hirsch
Like Abby’s book, this one highlights the story of many women who are gaslit, not believed, or try to ‘tough it out’ when they fall ill. Lent Hirsch highlights how various identities play into these issues, such as how women of color and trans women often find it even harder to be heard. I am beyond excited to read such an intersectional take on paternalism in healthcare.
Everyone’s a Aliebn When Ur a Aliebn Too by Jomny Sun
What happens when a lonely alien is outcast and is supposed to write about humans on a foreign planet? Friendship, sads, happiness, and cool drawings you can color in. It’ll make you cry, but then remind you to smile. Even Lin-Manuel Miranda said “Jomny Sunās incredible writing knocks you to the floor, breathless, then scoops you up and gives you a kiss where it hurts before it occurs to you to cry. Read this book only if you want to feel more alive.”
You can find these all and more of my favorites at my Amazon page. Go get your read on!
Vibrant Holiday Sale
Haven’t finished your holiday shopping yet? It’s okay! Vibrant’s got you covered!
You can save 20% offĀ ofĀ their holiday collection using code HOLIDAY17. The sale runs until 11:59 PM MT on Monday, December 18th.
As always, you can save 45% offĀ of the Ola Vibrator using the code VIP45Ā or save 10% off of any Vibrant order usingĀ CHRONICSEX.
Happy shopping!
Review: Fun Factory Delight
Disclaimer: I was given this product for free in exchange for my honest review.
Fun Factory, one of my favorite companies in the world, sent me theĀ DelightĀ to try out.
I was intrigued by the shape of the Delight. I mean, it looks amazing, right?
Product details
The Delight is just under 6 inches long and over an inch wide. You can get it wet, but it’s not fully waterproof. It has three different vibration patterns and eight intensities. Because of the curvy shape, it’s safe for butt play – and can be a great prostate massager! It’s also a rechargeable toy, making it more eco-friendly.
That’s one of my favorite things about Fun Factory in general – they’re super eco-conscious.
The black section of the toy is more rubbery and grippy, while the white part is harder.
Testing
I’m not gonna lie – I had a lot of fun testing this one. I always try to test under a variety of conditions – bad pain, migraine, etc. At the risk of being punny, this toy was a Delight to use each time.
Sorry. Anyway…
The curve this toy has is something that I really enjoy. It can be an effective vibrating dildoĀ orĀ give direct clitoral stimulation. If you get the angle just right, you can have some clitoral stimulation while using this internally, too.
I didn’t use it with any butt play, but it’s definitely a safe one for that. It’s not a flared base, but it’s not far off, either. The curve that makes this toy beautiful also makes it very difficult to disappear up there.
That little curly bit at the top makes the Delight easy to hold, especially with that little bit of grip. Having the buttons on this piece also makes it super easy for someone like me to change up the intensity often. I had no problem using this while having a rough hand day, either, which is always a plus!
The very thing that makes it easy to use for solo play might make it harder for partner play. A partner might have a rough time trying to control the speed since the controls are so close to the body. I flail around a lot while having fun, so that could just be me.
Verdict
This is definitely a great toy – accessible, comfortable, and easy to use. Each time I tested it, I was able to orgasm one way or another. If you’re looking for a reliable and beautiful sex toy, the Delight won’t steer you wrong.
Cyber Monday Sales to Check Out
Here’re some great sales going on today!
Vibrant
You save 30% offĀ of any single item using the code CYBERMONDAY17. This discount applies to the most expensive thing in your cart, so dream big! Maybe it’s time to get that Doxy you’veĀ had your eye on?Ā Click here to shop.
Gender Station
Gender Station is an amazing site. Their whole mission is to provide gender-affirming gear for people. They’re running a sale right now that gives you 20% off the gear they carryĀ andĀ free shipping on orders over $99. The sale ends tonight at 11:59 PM Eastern.
SheVibe
Don’t forget the great sale from SheVibe ends tonight at 11:59 PM Eastern.
- 10% Off Orders $75 OR MORE – Code: PAST
- 15% Off Orders $100 OR MORE – Code: PRESENT
- 20% Off Orders $125 OR MORE –Ā Code: FUTURE
Peepshow Toys
Peepshow Toys’ sale is still going on as well.Ā Click here to check out the deals and here to look at these blowout specials.
Happy shopping!
Review: The Doxy Massager, My New Lover
Disclaimer: I was given the Doxy Massager for free in exchange for my honest review.
This is a bit embarrassing to admit, but I’ve never had a wand-type toy. Everything I’ve had is either a vibrator, dildo, or epic combination of the two. I wanted one but could never seem to justify spending that kind of money on myself.
I just want to say that, thanks to Doxy, I get it. They gave several massagers to sex bloggers attending Woodhull in August. It’s taken me this long to write up my review because… well, I had fun testing.
Product Deets
The wand plugs into an outlet using a built-in AC adapter. The 12-foot cord means you shouldn’t run into too many problems with that, though. The top speed is 9,000 RPM which is, uh, intense. This means, though, that this is not a submergeable toy. Please don’t bathe with it!
It’s just over a foot long and under 3 inches wide, aside from the head which is 7.5 inches. The body on this particular one is plastic with the head made from PVC. I haven’t experimented, but the head can accommodate any magic wand attachments.
From an accessibility standpoint, this toy is exceptional. There are many toy mounts and pillows out there to help you get in the right position with this wand. While this is a slightly heavier toy at around 2 pounds, it’s relatively easy to move. The buttons are in a great spot and are straightforward – on/off, increase, decrease.
It’s also great to note that wands can be used for many things outside of sex. When I’m having a rough back day, hubs will give me a back massage and use the Doxy to loosen up tight spots. Even my acupuncturist recommends people get one!
Okay, he recommends everyone learn how to masturbate properly, too. We get along super well.
Testing
I started the testing process on this toy within two hours of picking it up. I went back to my hotel room at Woodhull and got to work. Initially, I started working on neck knots and one thing led to another. After a nap, I was ready to head back to the conference itself.
One of the things I’ve noticed is that I orgasmĀ very quickly from this wand. Like, wow, I have to work in some edging work if I want to last longer than two minutes. After struggling for a while with orgasms (thanks, multiple antidepressants!), it’s a nice problem to have. Even on days where other masturbation techniques don’t quite get me there, the Doxy does.
The motor in this wand is extremely powerful that direct clitoral stimulation is a bit much for me. I’ve found it much more comfortable to grind against the wand or push it up against that sweet spot between the vulva and vaginal opening. It’s great for foreplay, too, when used around the thighs, nipples, and other erogenous zones. I found it easy to hold and maneuver as long as I used my stronger dominant hand.
I’m super excited to start exploring some of the wand attachments out there, too. It’s a very new thing for me to get turned on looking at sex toy accessories, but damn.
If there’s one downside, it’s that it can get a little loud on some of the higher settings. I don’t know many things that can get up to 9,000 RPM and be completely silent, so it’s worth the noise.
Verdict
Each person is different, but I’ve never met someone who doesn’t love the Doxy. If you are looking for a reliable toy that can do double duty and give you some relief from chronic pain and muscle tension, there is literally no better thing out there than this wand. It’s accessible, beautiful, and has a permanent place by my bedside.
You can get the Doxy from most sites. If you snag one from Vibrant, remember that proceeds from your sale help fund the Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains! You can snag this wand in black, white, pink, or purple.
Black Friday Sales
Step away from the pumpkin pie, pals. I have exciting news about some great sales going on!
Peepshow Toys
From today thru Monday the 27th, you can save big bucks off gear from Peepshow Toys!
You can save 10% off orders of $5 or more, 15% off $75 and up, 20% off $125 and more, or 25% off order of $200 and up. Plus there are some great blowout sales on the following: Swan Squeeze, Swan Hug, b-vibe Triplet, b-vibe Novice, FemmefunnĀ Ultra Bullet, L’amouroseĀ Rosa, Womanizer Pro40, and L’amourose Prism V.
It’s an amazing collection of deals!
The coolest part about this is that you don’t have to enterĀ anyĀ coupon codes! The badass savings are immediately applied to your account.
Click here to check out the deals and here to look at these blowout specials.
Vibrant
You can save 25% on their Black Friday collection (which includes over 200 items!) usingĀ code BLACKFRIDAY17. Hurry, though – this sale ends at 11:59 PM MT on Sunday the 26th.
Come As You Are
They aren’t an affiliate of mine… yet, but Come As You Are is one of my favorite places. The people who work there are amazing and kind, making their customer service second to none. Right now, their sale allows you to snag 20% off any non-book/DVD purchase with the code TAKETWENTY. THEN, as if that wasn’t enough, you also get a 15% coupon for JanuaryĀ andĀ free delivery if you’re in Canda.
Sale ends Monday night, so get shopping!
Oska Pulse
This is a little different than what I normally share. On my other site, Not Standing Still’s Disease, I have an affiliate I love called Oska Pulse. Check out my review of their pain-relieving device here.
If you’d like to snag a super cool and helpful device, you can snag the Pulse for $100 less. Hurry, though, because the sale ends at 11:59 PM Pacific Time. Click here to check out the Pulse. Make sure to use the codeĀ NSSD to help them know your sale is from me!
Don’t forget the SheVibe sale going on as well!
Peepshow Toys is Having a Sale!
Our friends at Peepshow Toys are having a fall sale!
They’ve picked out nearly 50 of their coolest items to discount! I highly recommend either Uberlube or Sliquid’s Sassy lube – they’re two of my favorites!
Looking for a sleek, sexy toy? Check out theĀ Sola Cue Multi-Function Silicone Rechargeable G-Spot Vibrator! If something more daring is your style, maybe the b-Vibe Trio Plug Waterproof Remote Control Vibrating Anal Toy is for you. Either way, you’re sure to find something to treat yourself with this month.
Still, if those fresh picks don’t strike your fancy, you can save 10% using the code CHRONIC.
Happy picking!
Badass Sales from Vibrant
It’s no secret that Vibrant is one of my favorite shops.
Here are some of their current sales you should definitely check out.
If you spend $80+ Vibrant will send you a free Broad City bullet vibrator! You don’t need a code for this one, but here’s a link to their more expensive toys.
Right now, you can also save 15% off select We-Vibe toys. Again, you don’t need a code.
The two offers above are only available until 11:59 pm Mountain Time on August 29th.
You can also snag 45% off the Ola Vibrator through Vibrant right now using the code VIP45.
Or, you can save 30% off on over 200 items from August 30th to 11:59 pm MT on September 4th. Just be sure to use the code LABORDAY to save.
If none of those are your jam, you always can save 10% using CHRONICSEX. This is not applicable with other coupon code needing offers, though.
You always get free shipping on orders over $50 at Vibrant, and all proceeds go to the Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains. Your money does double duty, contributing to a good cause while helping you enjoy yourself.