Category: justice

a photo in Palestine during the sunset with text overlapping - "This international day of persons with disabilities, please remember that wars are mass disabling events." // Under the text is a digital sketch drawing by Kalyn Heffernan of Ibrahim Abu Thurayeh on the front lines in Gaza. Holding high a peace sign and the Palestinian flag in a wheelchair as a double amputee with no legs. Shot and killed by Israeli soldiers at 29 yrs old after being shot losing both his legs for protesting.

Disability in Gaza

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

I published this on Dec 3, 2023, on my Substack newsletter.

Today is the International Day of Persons with Disabilities, a day set aside in 1992 by the United Nations to discuss the rights of disabled people. In 2006, they put out the Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities — a document that requires countries to take care of and pay attention to how their disabled citizens are living in addition to other requirements.

Israel signed onto the Convention in 2007, ratifying it in 2012. Their status as occupiers in Palestine means this applies to Palestinians, too, and that Israel is responsible for ensuring the 50,000 (and growing) disabled Palestinians have all of their rights and are safe.

And yet, if that was the case, this specific newsletter wouldn’t exist.

So, let’s talk about disability in Gaza.

“The Israeli military’s major ground offensive in Gaza adds immeasurably to the serious difficulties for people with disabilities to flee, find shelter, and obtain water, food, medicine, and assistive devices they desperately need,” said Emina Ćerimović, the senior disability rights researcher at Human Rights Watch. “The United States and other Israeli allies should press Israel to take all necessary steps to protect people with disabilities and lift the blockade.”

People in Gaza lack wheelchairs, prosthetics, crutches, hearing aids, and other assistive devices — a result of the 16-year long blockade.

Even if you do have a wheelchair, how do you navigate areas of mass bombing? Once you find a safer space to exist in, how long will it be until you’re forced to move again?

How do you try to move in a world that is now even more inaccessible to you than before?

All of this, among other reasons, is why a report earlier this year found that Israel was violating the rights of disabled Palestinians.

Deaf folks cannot hear the airstrikes.

Blind folks cannot navigate the rubble or new areas easily on their own.

The hospitals, schools, and other spaces that people may previously have sheltered in are inaccessible, overfull, or being destroyed despite the destruction being a violation of international humanitarian law.

Without access to electricity and the internet, some assistive devices like CPAP machines or augmented communication devices aren’t even able to function.

Others cannot communicate with the people who can help them the most, with their cell phones out of battery or unable to connect to the internet.

And none of this even begins to approach the issue of a lack of access to regular medical care for cancer, kidney disease, and more — or how the lack of UNWRA staff and supplies means many people, like Al Madhoun, are going without medication that they need to live.

Madhoun, a 39-year-old woman, cannot access medication for high blood pressure or diabetes: “Usually, I get the medication from UNRWA, but there is no organization on the ground right now giving out medication.”

Do you know how easy it is to die without access to diabetes medication? Absurdly so.

Madhoun also shared that she doesn’t “have people here whom I know, I cannot access water or food and I don’t feel safe.”

Not to mention how disease is running through the area rampantly. An upper respiratory infection that sound a lot like COVID-19 is among them. Bisan Owda, a 24-year old filmmaker, is just one person who is incredibly ill and struggling with their health. She is also one of the few people who has done the most to share about what’s going on every day in Gaza who is still alive.

Some of the URI-like symptoms could also be from the toxic materials used in building construction that have been vaporized and breathed in by folks of all ages. We know these materials cause a ton of health issues, including lung disease and cancer, because of September 11th, 2001.

The lack of access to food, water, proper toilets, disease-free zones, and more is all leading to a high death toll for Palestinians — and especially disabled Palestinians.

One statistic that’s been heavily shared is that half of Gazans are children. This is true, but have you stopped to consider why? Jesse does, in this piece on what disability justice means in Gaza.

And, as Alice Wong highlights in her recent piece “Why Palestinian Liberation Is Disability Justice”

I’m no expert but I know what it means to be dehumanized, rendered disposable, and oppressed. I know that all people deserve freedom. I know that genocide is a mass disabling event and a form of eugenics.

All of this is not new, but may be new to some of you. And that’s okay.

But, as a sign of how not-new it is, consider that for some this is their fifth war — and they’re not even that old.

This siege hasn’t been just 55+ days. It’s been decades of increasingly horrific actions.

And it has to stop.

So, this International Day of People with Disabilities, please consider the ways disabled people are being actively harmed around you — and what you can do to stop it.

How You Can Take Action

Resources + Further Learning

If there are additional topics that you’d like to learn specifically about RE Palestine and/or disability, please reach out! I’m happy to recommend links, books, or whatever feels most accessible to help.

In Celebration of bell hooks

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

in celebration of bell hooks - “Love empowers us to live fully and die well. Death becomes, then, not an end to life but a part of living.”

bell hooks died this week. She was a noted author, professor, activist, and mind changer.

Born in Kentucky in 1952, Gloria Jean Watkins attended Stanford, the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and the University of California-Santa Cruz. She took on her pen name after her grandmother Bell Blair Hooks.

Many people wonder why hooks is always spelled in the lowercase. When asked about this, she said:

“When the feminist movement was at its zenith in the late ‘60s and early ’70s, there was a lot of moving away from the idea of the person. It was: let’s talk about the ideas behind the work, and the people matter less… It was kind of a gimmicky thing, but lots of feminist women were doing it.”

So, if you see people capitalizing her pen name, remind them that isn’t what she wanted.

 

Who bell Was to Me

I hate to say that I only recently began to dig more into bell’s work. This week, while working, I’ve been listening to conversations and her work, though.

Through listening to bell, I’ve found so many of my own viewpoints validated and affirmed. Before, I often felt like I was alone and without as much community in the way I view love, justice, and how we throw off oppression. One of the videos that I share below is her and Cornel West talking. I wouldn’t have ever said that my politics aligned with hooks and West on my own accord, especially as a white person. That said, I found my people in that video, in their work.

I wish that I had been in a space to dig into this work sooner. That said, I’m so glad that I’m finally here.

 

Articles About bell

 

Read bell’s Works

Since so many of these links are PDFs, I’ve marked those that are not with an asterisk (*).

 

My Favorite bell hooks Quotes

On Love
  • “A generous heart is always open, always ready to receive our going and coming. In the midst of such love we need never fear abandonment. This is the most precious gift true love offers – the experience of knowing we always belong.”
  • “Love is an action, never simply a feeling.”
  • “To think of actions shaping feelings is one way we rid ourselves of conventionally accepted assumptions… If we were constantly remembering that love is as love does, we would not use the word in a manner that devalues and degrades its meaning.”
  • “But many of us seek community solely to escape the fear of being alone. Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.”
  • “Since loving is about knowing, we have more meaningful love relationships when we know each other and it takes time to know each other.”
  • “Everywhere we learn that love is important, and yet we are bombarded by its failure….We still believe in love’s promise.”
  • “The moment we choose to love we begin to move against domination, against oppression. The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others.”
  • “To be loving is to be open to grief. to be touched by sorrow, even sorrow that is unending. we need not contain grief when we use it as a means to intensify our love for the dead and dying, for those who remain alive.”
  • “Love empowers us to live fully and die well. Death becomes, then, not an end to life but a part of living.”
  • “To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic bonds.”
  • “Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust.”
  • “The wounded heart learns self-love by first overcoming low self-esteem.”
  • “Choosing to be honest is the first step in the process of love. There is no practitioner of love who deceives. Once the choice has been made to be honest, then the next step on love’s path is communication.”
  • “Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified. To know love we have to invest time and commitment…’dreaming that love will save us, solve all our problems or provide a steady state of bliss or security only keeps us stuck in wishful fantasy, undermining the real power of the love — which is to transform us.’ Many people want love to function like a drug, giving them an immediate and sustained high. They want to do nothing, just passively receive the good feeling.”
  • “Schools for love do not exist. Everyone assumes that we will know how to love instinctively. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, we still accept that the family is the primary school for love. Those of us who do not learn how to love among family are expected to experience love in romantic relationships. However, this love often eludes us.”
  • “The practice of love offers no place of safety. We risk loss, hurt, pain. We risk being acted upon by forces outside our control.”
  • “If only one party in the relationship is working to create love, to create the space of emotional connection, the dominator model remains in place and the relationship just becomes a site for continuous power struggle.”
  • “The practice of love is the most powerful antidote to the politics of domination.”
  • “One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others. There was a time when I felt lousy about my over-forty body, saw myself as too fat, too this, or too that. Yet I fantasized about finding a lover who would give me the gift of being loved as I am. It is silly, isn’t it, that I would dream of someone else offering to me the acceptance and affirmation I was withholding from myself. This was a moment when the maxim ‘You can never love anybody if you are unable to love yourself’ made clear sense. And I add, ‘Do not expect to receive the love from someone else you do not give yourself.’ “
  • “In an ideal world we would all learn in childhood to love ourselves. We would grow, being secure in our worth and value, spreading love wherever we went, letting our light shine. If we did not learn self-love in our youth, there is still hope. The light of love is always in us, no matter how cold the flame. It is always present, waiting for the spark to ignite, waiting for the heart to awaken and call us back to the first memory of being the life force inside a dark place waiting to be born – waiting to see the light.”
  • “When we face pain in relationships our first response is often to sever bonds rather than to maintain commitment.”
  • “Fundamentally, to begin the practice of love we must slow down and be still enough to bear witness in the present moment. If we accept that love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust, we can then be guided by this understanding. We can use these skillful means as a map in our daily life to determine right action.”
  • “When we commit to love in our daily life, habits are shattered. We are necessarily working to end domination. Because we no longer are playing by the safe rules of the status quo, rules that if we obey guarantee us a specific outcome, love moves us to a new ground of being. This movement is what most people fear.”
  • “Before I die in this world I want to have a sense of what it is to love and be loved… many of us coming out of abusive settings have not had that. We don’t know what that looks like – and that’s the other thing. Sometimes you have to find out what something looks like and then you have to grieve that you don’t have it. And you may be getting old and you don’t have it. So you have to figure out, what is enough within that?”
  • “What does it mean to value a friend as you would value a partner? And that is again I think totally counter hegemonic because everything in our culture is constantly telling us that the partner is everything – finding the partner. And so not finding love but finding a partner. And, especially Black women, that’s when we get hooked up with so many people who treat us cruelly, abusively – because we’re trying to find a partner. We’re trying to validate that I’m worth something because I have found somebody and not that I am hoping to love. And then having to grieve when that love doesn’t come…”
  • “To me, all the work I do is built on a foundation of loving-kindness. Love illuminates matters.”
  • “Queer not as being about who you are having sex with, that can be a dimension of it, but queer as being about the self that is at odds with everything around it and has to invent and create and find a place to speak and to thrive and to live.”

 

On Justice
  • “There are times when we have to stand for justice. And there are times when, in standing for justice, we have to turn away from people that we would ordinarily maybe want to be with. And that is a difficult part of struggle.”
  • “Rarely, if ever, are any of us healed in isolation. Healing is an act of communion.”
  • “To build community requires vigilant awareness of the work we must continually do to undermine all the socialization that leads us to behave in ways that perpetuate domination.”
  • “When we drop fear, we can draw nearer to people, we can draw nearer to the earth, we can draw nearer to all the heavenly creatures that surround us.”
  • “Sometimes people try to destroy you, precisely because they recognize your power — not because they don’t see it, but because they see it and they don’t want it to exist.”
  • “Only grown-ups think that the things children say come out of nowhere. We know they come from the deepest parts of ourselves.”
  • “What we do is more important than what we say or what we say we believe.”
  • “True resistance begins with people confronting pain…and wanting to do something to change it.”
  • “For me, forgiveness and compassion are always linked: how do we hold people accountable for wrongdoing and yet at the same time remain in touch with their humanity enough to believe in their capacity to be transformed?”
  • “Definitions are vital starting points for the imagination. What we cannot imagine cannot come into being. A good definition marks our starting point and lets us know where we want to end up.”
  • “Dominator culture has tried to keep us all afraid, to make us choose safety instead of risk, sameness instead of diversity. Moving through that fear, finding out what connects us, reveling in our differences; this is the process that brings us closer, that gives us a world of shared values, of meaningful community.”
  • “All our silences in the face of racist assault are acts of complicity.”
  • “We can’t combat white supremacy unless we can teach people to love justice. You have to love justice more than your allegiance to your race, sexuality and gender. It is about justice.”
  • “The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem.”
  • “If I do not speak in a language that can be understood there is little chance for a dialogue.”
  • “Most folks don’t seem to want to believe that one can be struggling for justice and into nuanced cultural perspectives, aesthetics, and the vernacular at the same time.”
  • “It takes courage and critical vigilance not to conform. It takes knowing the rules of the game, how to play and win, as well as finding strategies to win without compromising in ways that violate or destroy the integrity of your being.”

 

On Writing and Her Work

  • “When I sit down to write I do not imagine my pen will be guided by anything other than the strength of my will, imagination and intellect. When the spirit moves into that writing, shaping its direction, that is for me a moment of pure mystery. It is a visitation of the sacred that I cannot call forth at will. I can only hope that it will come. This hope is grounded in my own experience that those moments when I feel my imagination and the words I put together to be touched by the presence of divine spirit, my writing is transformed.”
  • “Words have the power to heal wounds. Out of the mysterious place where words first come to be ‘made flesh’—that place which is all holiness—I am given the grace to work with words in a spirit of right livelihood which calls me to peace, reflection, and connectedness with communities of readers whom I may never know or see. Writing becomes then a way to embrace the mysterious, to walk with spirits, and an entry into the realm of the sacred.”
  • “Writing has been for me one of the ways to encounter the divine. As a discipline of mind and heart, working with words has become a spiritual practice.”
  • “I write with intensity, discipline and constancy, because this is the work that calls me—the vocation of my heart. The writing I do is always meant to serve as critical intervention, as resistance. Balancing the desire to have work meaningfully touch relevant issues without, as well as always reflect artistic expression and integrity within, is not an easy task. While much of my cultural criticism challenges representations that reinforce existing structures of domination, it also offers new and different representations. The work then is always part of our struggle for liberation.”

 

Watch bell Speak

 

 

 

 

 

 

Justice is What Love Looks Like in Public

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

black hearts in the background with a red heart; a white text box overlays this with black text: Justice is what love looks like in public, just like tenderness is what love feels like in private. Dr. Cornell West.

One of my absolute favorite quotes is this one from Dr. Cornel West: “Justice is what love looks like in public, just like tenderness is what love feels like in private.” It’s something that I’ve been thinking more and more about, especially in the context of empathy.

Empathy

Empathy is something that develops when we’re infants through the relationships we have with others. Our empathy muscles continue to grow as we do, adapting and changing with the different situations we encounter. Did you know, though, that there are multiple types of empathy?

Cognitive empathy is the notion of being able to imagine yourself in the same situation as someone else. It’s more of a mental exercise, having to do with logic. This may come off cold to others. The problem is advice from this empathy space is often focused on a logical answer. It doesn’t take into account nuance, like understanding a situation on an emotional level might.

Somatic empathy is quite literally feeling someone else’s physical pain. Twins and other people who are incredibly close can develop this. My sister and I aren’t twins but we are close, and we often feel each other’s pain even 2200 miles apart. We’ll call each other to say ‘take a break’ or I might call to check-in and make sure my pain is mine and not hers.

For those who can’t picture this, imagine watching a movie where someone with the same genitalia as you gets kicked there hard. If you felt physical pain, you’re experiencing this type of empathy. Our focus is on pain, and any advice comes from a pain relief standpoint.

Emotional empathy is likely what we begin to learn first. From smiling to crying, emotions are contagious. Our emotional empathy is often how we learn to react in situations based on the reactions in those around us.

Unfortunately, emotional empathy is also something that many empaths struggle with. It can be quite draining because literally feeling the emotions of others is a harrowing experience.  It can also be a way to cope with abusive environments as it allows us to fawn and take other self-protective measures more easily.

Compassionate empathy is similar to emotional empathy but with motivation to help. It’s also often what people mean when they refer to empathy – being able to sense or feels another’s emotions. Many doctors and others in caring fields can harness this skill well, helping others grow and heal.

While this is a good skill to have, it can also become overwhelming if we don’t learn how to set boundaries. We may feel as though everything is our fault or that it’s up to us to solve every problem. Not only is that not true, but it’s a form of self-harm. It’s why I had to make the switch from working directly with other disabled folx to public health. I felt far too responsible for the wellbeing of others in an unhealthy manner.

What does empathy have to do with this Dr. West quote?

Honestly, a lot.

I was thinking about how unforutnate it is that so many people don’t see the connection between love and justice. At times, like the last several months, it can be rage-inducing.

Thinking about the last several months, though, it hit me that too many people aren’t exercising their empathy muscles at all. They refuse to wear masks due to selfishness, even running through stores without them as some sort of sick and endangering parade. People repost nude photos acquired without consent. Karens threaten to kill retail workers over 30 cents. (That last one brought on my exit from retail in college.) White people call the police on Black kids selling lemonade or playing in the park. BLM protesters are being murdered.

Many of these aren’t new issues, but are a prime example of a lack of foundational empathy development.

The United States prides itself on exceptionalism. That encouraged a god complex in many ‘patriots.’ As a country, we love capitalism. That’s brought an ‘every man for himself’ and ‘dog eat dog’ mindset on in so many. People have been taught that those in need will steal from us if we show compassion, that kindness is a weakness.

This is both untrue and a root cause of so many problems in our society.

Many older people talk about how millennials or Gen Zers are selfish. Generally, that’s not true – but we do have boundaries in ways they may not have. We revel in community in ways older generations don’t anymore. Having grown up watching shows about ethics while relying on friends, we see the issues inherent in this American approach to life.

It’s literally killing us and our planet. We cannot afford this mindset any longer.

What do we do?

Let’s be clear – we cannot fix our entire society. No one person has that power, and no one should.

What we can do is think about our sphere of influence.

a target; in the center is control; the second circle out is direct influence; the next is indirect influence; the final is zone of no influence
source

This can be handy in a number of situations, but especially in our end times this year. The idea is that the target starts at the middle with what we have the most control over. As we move out, we lose control.

The center of the target represents the only thing we can truly control – ourself. That includes our side of interactions, choices, etc. This might mean how we spend our money, like not going to Chick-fil-a (or, as I like to call them, Oppression Chicken).

Our direct influence circle will be filled with people and situations that we can directly influence. That likely includes people close to us, such as family, friends, and partners.

Indirect influence may be people on Twitter whom you don’t interact with but who follow you or people reading your website (hi!). I may not personally know you and we may not be friends, but what I write and put into the world may influence you.

The zone of no influence is bigger in reality than it looks. That can be scary, but it’s important to remember that we can’t necessarily alter how many things go. For example, there is no way we can influence how a prominent author spouts anti-trans sentiments. She doesn’t want to listen to anyone who doesn’t share her views, especially if we’re small fish.

Since we cannot affect her mindset, it’s okay to not try with her. It’s okay to use her as an example to teach others about how harmful this is, for sure. But, say, tweeting at her won’t get her to change her mind.

How do we apply spheres of influence to empathy work?

It’s important to go where we will have an impact. Here, we know starting with She Who Must Not Be Named isn’t going to work. She’s in our Zone of No Influence. It’s okay to abandon people who will not ever listen – hell, it’s self-care.

Instead, who can we influence and what can we control?

I can control how I approach situations. I can foster and cultivate empathy in everything I do.

Using that, I can model this for the people I influence directly or indirectly. For those I influence directly, I can remind them to be thoughtful of others and their needs – to give people space and grace. I can talk with others about how to work on empathy skills or what ways that work can present itself.

I could share tools with others to help workout empathy muscles, like Kate Kenfield’s Tea & Empathy cards. These cards are absolutely fantastic. After four years, it’s still my favorite way to keep in touch with my emotions as well as those of others.

So, if you need this reminder – It’s okay to focus the precious energy we have right now on people who may be more apt to ‘get it.’ We can be picky with some of the work we have to do as a society as far as who is more likely to make those positive changes. Let’s be agents of change together instead of agents of absolute chaos.

Tony Robinson and how white folx can do better

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of Tony Robinson in a tux outside with text: Tony Robinson and how white folx can do better | Chronic Sex Podcast

For the latest edition of the podcast, I crossposted from my true crime/paranormal pod Spooky Sconnie. I talk about the local-to-me 2015 murder of 19-year-old Tony Robinson by Madison officer Matt Kenny, how he’s still on the force, and how this relates to BLM.

This episode is a way for me to hopefully help some white folx understand topics like police brutality, BLM, and more.

A rough transcript along with sources and resources is up at the Spooky Sconnie page for the episode.

I’ll be addressing other topics soon, like why I wasn’t around for a bit here, etc. Right now, I want to focus on BLM activities, though, and we should all be focused on how we can end the state-sanctioned brutality and murder of Black folx, Indigenous folx, and other people of color.

Ways You Can Help Trans, Non-binary, and GNC People

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

Updated on Oct 30, 2018

Content note: this post contains anti-trans sentiments, fucking cishet patriarchy bullshit, food, suicide/crisis hotline & violence mentions. If you need help, you can call 877-565-8860 (US), 877-330-6366 (Canada), or find resources in your country here. Unless I know someone’s pronouns, I use ‘they’ to be most neutral.

trans flag with purple text boxes on top and white text: "Ways You Can Help Trans, Non-binary, and GNC People" - "Chronic Sex"

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a few days. Honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to sit down and really work on it, though.

There are over a million and a half (roughly) trans, non-binary, or gender non-conforming people in the United States. Unfortunately, we’re far from tolerated – people want us dead. This is not embellishment by any means. We’re very rightly afraid for our lives and well-being.

Along with removing trans people from the health department site, the Department of Justice has told the Supreme Court that discriminating against trans people in the workplace doesn’t violate federal law. And, now, this administration is trying to strong-arm the United Nations to change ‘gender-based violence’ to ‘violence against women,’ effectively eliminating protections for us around the world.

We have very few rights around the world as it is, and it’s terrifying to see people willing to roll them back. You can’t say you’re doing things to protect the country while attacking literally everyone who isn’t a allocishet dyadic abled rich while man.

I know that people are wondering what we can do in the face of this stuff. Well, like I did last year for natural disasters, I did what I do best – pulled together ways you can help. I hope to keep this post updated for the foreseeable future while we’re facing terrifying odds, and will add a note at the top with when I’ve last updated.

 

photo of people at a rally with a transparent purple overlay and white text: "ACTION"

 

VOTE

I know not everyone is able to vote. I won’t shame y’all for that, but apathy? That won’t do. Until the purge starts (which is a terrifying thought), the most power we have is through exercising our rights to vote, protect, and speak up. Please do so.

There are a record number of trans and queer candidates this year. Take a minute and seee if any trans candidates are up for election in your neck of the woods.

Contact Your Reps

A super easy way to do this is through ResistBot. All you have to do is text RESIST to 50409 – or send it to them via Facebook Messenger – and they’ll help you contact your local and national officials. What I really like about this is that it makes it easy to keep in touch with officials. They’ll also text you to remind you to speak up, and that’s pretty great for us brain fog peeps.

Of course, if you can visit or call on your own, that’s awesome, too! You can double check who you’re represented by here.

As a quick heads up, email isn’t as effective even though it’s easy. That’s why I like ResistBot and how they turn your text into calls or faxes.

Whatever way works best, just make sure to do it.

Educate Yourself

There are a lot of people who would like to be better allies to the trans/GNC community. The best way to do that is either to ask one of us open to sharing information with you or educate yourself. It shouldn’t always be on a marginalized group to educate privileged people about their oppression, especially when there are so many resources out there if you search correctly or find the right kinds of sites to learn from.

GLAAD has a great primer on how to be a better ally. I’ve got a post about genders you should check out, too.

Other sites that have great pieces:

Educate Others

After you’ve learned about trans issues, take steps to correct misconceptions. Take a stand because, unless people learn, we can’t move forward. When you hear transphobic/misic remarks, spend time to share the true with people.

Sometimes, that means speaking up in public. Other times, that might mean being the uncomfortable voice of truth at Thanksgiving. Honestly, it’s the best way to feel like you’ve earned pie!

Speak Out

Come with us to rallies and protests. Go with us when it’s dangerous. Check in on us.

Use any privileges you have – especially if you’re cis – to tell people about how gender isn’t a binary, immigrants aren’t evil, and more.

Standby

When we’re able to formally comment against the legislation, we’ll need allies to help make an impact. You can follow the Transgender Law Center for more information on Facebook, Twitter, or through their site or email list.

Volunteer

You can find spaces near you to volunteer, thanks to The Trevor Project.

 

 

photo of change in the background with a transparent purple text box and white text: "DONATE"

 

Continue reading “Ways You Can Help Trans, Non-binary, and GNC People” →

I Changed in November 2016 – And That’s Okay

Posted on by Grayson Schultz

photo of a person wearing jeans from legs down against a mountain backdrop with white text: " I Changed in November 2016 " and pink text " And That's Okay "

In the mornings, I go through and schedule social media posts. It isn’t every morning anymore – more like every couple – but it’s still a habit. It helps with gathering stuff up for LUOF, here, and more.

I had a lot on my mind this morning when I went to schedule. When I came across this piece, it really hit home.

https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/its-okay-to-change-after-a-difficult-thing-has-happened/

I’ve changed since the 2016 presidential election. I had to.

Right before the election, I came out about my gender and sexuality. I was so confident in myself and that things were changing for the better that I got cocky about showing the world more of my authentic self.

Some of the changes before the election were forced ones on my part. I wanted people to see me the same way they saw other patients or sex educators. I wanted my dad and his family to like me. It was clear to me that people didn’t want someone fighting for justice – they wanted someone who never got angry.

That whole time I tried to be chill and go with the flow for everyone else, I was struggling. My pain was so bad (not that it’s ever great). I felt like I had to become someone else to make others comfortable, just like I had done for my mother my whole life. Instead of being myself, I was hiding for the benefits of others.

The election

I spent the night of the election in bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Being a genderfluid/trans, pan/queer, disabled, abuse surviving sex educator – and being out about all of it – scared me. I wasn’t scared because of people I knew – yet – but those like You-Know-Who that refused to see me as a human being.

Then, of course, I learned about the views of people I thought I knew – that I thought were my friends. Instead of kindness, love, and compassion, I was met with hostility from people I would’ve done anything for. One friend acted like their queer and trans friends needed to grow up and stop whining. A few months later when You-Know-Who started seriously shit for my communities, that person reached out to apologize. I realized I didn’t need them in my life, especially when they misgender people and then get upset people don’t cut them slack years down the line.

Others quickly grew tired of me talking about privilege and justice. In trying to educate cishet people about what the rest of us face, I was somehow being ‘exclusionary.’ By trying to use my privileges to address racism, colorism, poverty, and more, I was apparently making people with the same privileges uncomfortable.

Moving on

I feared most the things that have come to pass. It’s been a fight to not be run over by this administration. To get shit from friends for being my authentic self is hard.

This stuff all hurts. It shreds my soul like its a soft cheese. On top of that, it’s exhausting to wake up ready to fight every single day. It’s draining and rough.

This has taken nearly two years to talk about it for a reason.

There’s a great quote that I try to remember when people tell me shitty things:

“When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression”.

The white, middle-aged, middle-class, cishet patient advocates that get upset about me calling discrimination what it is have to learn to grow. They have to move past their privilege and into uncomfortable spaces. Instead of focusing only on advocacy for themselves and their condition(s), they need to see the benefits of activism and fighting for justice.

In the spirit of Audre Lorde, I am not free while any person is unfree, even when their shackles are very different from my own.

So, yeah, I’ve changed since the election

I have – for the better. Instead of keeping quiet about what bothers me, I speak up. I talk about being abused in the patient community and how upset it makes me that others refuse to address it. I point out when people are being bigoted or discriminatory in their views.

No one is perfect. I’m certainly not. I’m working on getting better about taking feedback. I wish I was better at it right now, but it’s a process. It’s not easy, especially when I had no foundation around handling emotions well. Of course, it doesn’t help that my depression and anxiety often manifest as anger.

As Tiffany points out in the piece above,

Getting through difficult things is by its nature – difficult. Changing is not a sign of weakness or flaw.

We shift, we change, we heal, we move on, we get stuck, we get stuck in the pursuit of moving on, we adapt, we falter… Making peace with yourself through all these journeys is so very important to loving yourself – to loving all of yourself.

Right now, I’m still working on change. And that’s okay.