With it being Pride month, I wanted to share something that I’ve been working on for a while – a list of attractions and orientations. This list is by no means meant to be exhaustive – more like a good start.

Did you know that there are actually several types of attraction? It’s true!

• Aesthetic: attraction to one’s appearance.
• Alterous: attraction that’s a mix between platonic and romantic; wanting emotional closeness.
• Platonic: wanting a friendship with someone.
• Romantic: wanting to have a romantic relationship with someone.
• Sensual: wanting to engage in non-sexual closeness like cuddling.
• Sexual: wanting to engage in sexual acts with someone.

This can all be used as suffixes to go along to share a variety of labels. As an example, I use pansexual or queer to label my sexuality – which could be labeled duosexual (defined below). Since writing this post, I’ve also shifted to being transmasculine and attracted far more to other masculine folks, so I also may use gay or androsexual to describe my sexuality. My romantic and sensual attraction labels are fairly similar to my sexuality label. Aesthetically, I’m attracted to androgynous looks (ninaesthetic) and very masculine looks (androaesthetic). I tend to be either panalterous and panplatonic.

 

Some quick terms

In order to understand some of the terms, you’ll need to know a few others.

Femme: a person who acts, dresses, or identifies as more feminine regardless of gender.

Masc: a person who acts, dresses, or identifies as more masculine regardless of gender.

 

Well-known(ish) labels

Heterosexual (straight): attracted to members of the ‘opposite’ sex (i.e., a man who is sexually attracted to women).

Asexual (ace): someone who does not feel attracted to others sexually and therefore is not generally interested in sexual relationships – this is a spectrum in and of itself, though, because this can range from those who are asexual and aromantic (see below) to those who are asexual but are demiromantic.

Aromantic (aro): someone who does not feel attracted to others romantically and therefore is not interested in romantic relationships with others.

Note: Aros and aces are a part of the LGBTQ+ community, period. Even if “hetero-leaning,” they do not meet societal expectations of how people are ‘supposed’ to engage in relationships. As such, they face a variety of violent actions and harm including corrective assault, etc. If you don’t include the ace and aro community in your activism, you’re exclusionary and actively causing harm to others.

Gay: men or masculine non-binary people attracted to men. This term can be used as a general term for those under the LGBTQ+ umbrella at times, with varying degrees of inclusion (e.g., ‘gay’ could refer to gay men/nonbinary folks, gays and lesbians, gays and lesbians and anyone experience same-gender attraction, etc.).

Lesbian: women or non-binary people who are attracted to women.

Queer: This is often used to describe a person who falls under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, regardless of their gender or orientation. It used to be a slur but has been reclaimed by people within the community. Still, that slur status stands, so please don’t use this to describe a patient unless they’ve signaled that they’re okay with it. Many LGBTQ+ people identify as queer which is partially a sociopolitical identification. A good example of this would be those who participated in the Stonewall Riots, Act Up!, or other LGBTQ+ activist events.

Bisexual: the more well-known term to say one is attracted to two or more genders.

Bicurious: someone who is curious about experiences with multiple genders.

Pansexual: think “I am attracted to everyone, regardless of their or my gender identity.”

The difference between bisexual and pansexual is that bi takes gender into consideration while pan does not. That’s literally the only difference. Neither is inherently transmisic or bimisic in design because they don’t mean the same thing.

Why do I use -misic/misia instead of -phobic/phobia? Learn more.

 

Orientations you may not know

I’ve used sexual as the suffix for many of these, even though you could use any of the attraction suffixes above.

Abrosexual: having a sexual orientation that can’t be pinned down in words due to it constantly changing.

Acorsexual: being sexually attracted to someone but unable to participate due to traumatic history or other reasons.

Aegosexual: having sexual attraction but only for situations you’re not participating in.

Aliquasexual: only feeling sexual attraction under certain circumstances.

Allosexual: Someone who experiences sexual attraction; the opposite of asexual.

Amorplatonic: Someone who experiences romantic attraction to others but prefers to be friends or engage in friends-with-benefits behavior over relationships.

Androsexual: Someone who is sexually attracted to people who present more masculine or males.

Apothisexual: being asexual specifically due to being repulsed by sex.

Arcsexual: averse, repulsed, and conflicted by sex.

Bellusromantic: being interested in romantic activities but not a romantic relationship.

Caedsexual: having felt sexual attraction in the past, but lost that attraction due to trauma.

Cassromantic: feeling indifferent to romantic relationships.

Ceasesexual: having sexual attraction but losing it for a time period.

Ceterosexual: someone who is attracted to non-binary and gender non-conforming people; skolio is another prefix for this, but it suggests some weirdness/ableism as it means bent or broken.

Cupiosexual: not feeling sexual attraction, but still wanting sexual experiences.

Demiromantic: someone who generally needs to have a very strong emotional connection to someone in order to feel attracted to them romantically.

Demisexual: someone who generally needs to have a very strong emotional connection to someone in order to feel attracted to them sexually.

Dreadsexual: someone who goes through periods of having sexual attraction or not having it – and having it brings anxiety.

Duosexual: using two or more attraction labels that you flip between (e.g., bisexual and pansexual).

Finsexual: sexual attraction to femmes.

Icularomantic: an aromantic person who is still open to having romantic relationships.

Kalosromanitc: desiring a romantic relationship but not being romantically attracted to anyone in specific categories.

Limnosexual: enjoying erotic art, but not participating in sexual acts.

Minsexual: sexual attraction to mascs.

Monosexual: Romantic or sexual attraction to only one gender.

Morphesexual: someone whose orientation changes based on the type of attraction and person it’s directed towards.

Neuplatonic: having friendship attraction to people who are genderless.

Neuroaromantic: wanting to be in a romantic relationship but being scared of it because of your mental health or neurodiversity.

Ninsexual: sexual attraction to androgynous people.

Novosexual: your sexuality changes with your gender.

Omnisexual: sexual attraction to all genders.

Penultiromantic: romantic attraction to every gender but your own.

Platoniromantic (Idemromantic): someone who doesn’t feel a difference between platonic and romantic attraction.

Polysexual: being sexually attracted to multiple but not all genders.

Pomosexual: identifying as not heterosexual, but not necessarily needing a specific label.

Quoisexual: feeling like sexual attraction doesn’t apply or make sense for you.

Reciprosensual: sensual attraction to someone only when they’ve shared their sensual attraction to you.

Requiesromantic: feeling too emotionally exhausted to experience romantic attraction.

Sansromantic: your romantic attraction just does what it does without any real trend or pattern.

Thymsexual: your sexual attraction depends on how you’re doing emotionally.

 

Relationship Types

In addition to the large variety of attraction types, there are different relationship types. Here are just a few examples.

Monogamous: someone who is in an exclusive one-on-one relationship.

Polyamorous: someone who is in a consensually non-monogamous relationship; this can also be called ethical non-monogamy; a lot of people use the short-hand ‘poly’ for this but that gets confusing when you note poly can be a suffix for both gender and attraction types – it also is the short-hand used for Polynesian people, and we shouldn’t be co-opting that. Forms of polyamory include:

• An open relationship/marriage: partners are able to take on new sexual partners.
• Polygamy: one person may have multiple spouses.
• Mono/Polyam Relationship: one person in a relationship stays monogamous to their partner while their partner is non-monogamous.
• Swinging: usually refers to people who have sex outside their marriage but don’t necessarily engage in multiple romantic relationships.
• Bigamy: being married to two people at once; not legally recognized in most places.

This is just the tip of the non-monogamy iceberg. Stay tuned for more on this in the future.

 

Additional terms to know

• Bimisia: Bigotry and discrimination against bisexual people. This is usually seen in how people label relationships of bisexual people (e.g., a bisexual woman dating another woman is often called a lesbian, but if she’s dating a man she’s called straight).
• Closeted: Someone who has not disclosed their sexual orientation to others. Someone who isn’t ‘out’ about their sexual orientation (or gender).
• Coming out: The process someone takes when they share their sexual orientation with others, either publicly or privately. This isn’t an all-or-nothing process – for example, someone can ‘come out’ to friends but stay closeted to their parents.
• Heteronormativity: The societal assumption that every relationship will be heterosexual. This message is often sent to us in media we consume, such as ads or television shows featuring a large majority of heterosexual couples. This can also be called heterosexism.
• Homomisia: Bigotry and discrimination against gay men and lesbians.
• Outing: Sharing someone’s sexual orientation without their permission. This is generally used when someone is closeted, either in general or to whomever you out them.
• Questioning: Someone who is unsure of or exploring their sexual orientation.

Avoid these

(unless you’re reclaiming them or someone else is and has said you can use these terms towards them)

• Homosexual: This is an outdated and more medicalized term to describe gay and lesbian people.
• Sexual preference: Sexual orientation is not a preference.
• Preferred pronouns: Pronouns aren’t preferred or optional. They’re required in respectful relationships.
• Fag, dyke, homo: Slurs for gay men, lesbians, and both, respectively.
• Sodomite, deviant, diseased, perverted: These terms have been used to ‘other’ people under the LGBTQ+ umbrella for ages.

Wanna learn more about gender? Click here.