Pals, don’t miss this upcoming FB live this Sunday, July 14th, at 11:30 am Eastern!
I’ll be talking with my pal Lene on the RAHealthCentral page about how rheumatoid arthritis can affect our intimate relationships – and ways we can bounce back.
See ya then!
July is the awareness month for:
Don’t forget these important awareness days, too:
Go forth and be awesome!
It’s been a hot minute since I finished a review. Let’s dive into the Volta from Fun Factory.
The Volta features an almost snake tongue-like appearance, making it easy to focus on the clitoris – or anywhere else for that matter. Mine as pictured above is a reddish color and set against a teal background.
As for details, Fun Factory has us covered:
With the way the Volta is set up, the vibrations run through the tips of the toy making it perfect for clit stimulation… That said, it’s also great for hitting other erogenous zones for people of any gender.
The loop on the end makes it easy to hold, and the buttons being there makes it a much more accessible toy than some of the others we’ve looked at.
There are six speeds and six vibration patterns, too, allowing for a high level of exploration.
Feelings and Verdict
I’ve tested this toy under a few different circumstances. It’s a relatively enjoyable one, and there are definitely layers of fun to be had.
I tend to like to orgasm a little more quickly than this toy makes it happen. It’s perfect for teasing, though!
At $139.99, it’s a little high-priced in my opinion. I enjoyed it as a toy and as an enhancement to other sexual activity. That said, it’s not the most intensely vibrating toy I have. If deep and hard vibrations are your thing, this might be one to pass on.
On the other hand, if you enjoy being teased or teasing – or lighter stimulation? The Volta is a can’t-miss addition to your toy box.
In the last few weeks, everything in my life got put on hold. I owe everyone an explanation.
In 2007, I met my husband. We were engaged in 2012, and then we got married in 2014. Within a few years, I discovered my queerness and gender fluidity. If I’m honest, I thought that once we got through that period, we would be golden.
I was wrong.
T and I are uh… not quite getting a divorce, but that’s for now. It’ll be an inevitability as we’re moving to being friends.
I have a lot of love for him. But I have realized that I’m not *in* love with him… He’s realized the same with me, too.
We’re still living together, but will reevaluate when our lease is up early next year – or sooner if we need to.
As sad as I am about it, part of it is him struggling with my queerness and gender. I would rather feel seen in full than in part, but it is what it is.
We’ve been polyamorous for a little bit, but he only recently began dating. For those of you who don’t know what that means, it means I’ve been on dates and relatively recently more seriously dating. Polyamory is about many loves, and I’m happy to answer more questions about that. I haven’t been as out about it to avoid awkwardness with family, but have reached a point where I’m past that.
This weekend was a weekend away and I think we needed that space to process things. I went to my first Pride (!) this weekend with one of my partners. It was awesome, and they really helped me process a lot of things.
I also had a lot of great sex which is always helpful.
My hope is that, within a few weeks, things will find a new stride that brings back the podcast and the chat. Naturally, I will try to keep people in the loop.
I’m really grateful that I have so many wonderful people in my life like them. I appreciate each and every one of you.
June is here, and summer is too! Hooray!
Here is what this month is about:
Specific days/weeks:
I often feel like a walking oxymoron. I teach people about communication, yet don’t always do a great job communicating effectively. Even though I talk about improving relationships, I tend to avoid working on my own. Perhaps one of the biggest issues, though, is that despite living in chronic pain for the vast majority of my life, I struggle to tell people about my pain.
Growing up in an abusive home, I quickly learned that I wasn’t expected to be my own person. Instead, I was expected to provide comfort and solace for others. That has affected every single day of my life thus far and, despite all the work I’ve done to grow, will probably be a factor until the day I die. It’s caused fights, even with how much I know I can and should share.
It isn’t just that I struggle to show my weak points to others… although, it’s naturally hard to be that vulnerable with others. For me, though, it runs into the conditioning I grew up with, and that’s a hard series of indoctrinations that’s not easy to move past.
Even though I’ve made a name for myself by sharing things with random strangers on the internet – hi! – I still would rather listen to others than talk. Hell, I literally work for an organization where I problem-solve for fellow disabled and chronically ill people and help them feel heard.
At home, I listen to every noise our guinea pigs make. We completely get each other, and I know when they’re asking for snacks. When they get frustrated or annoyed, I can tell and change things up accordingly.
My husband is… another story.
A decade ago, we sat in his car listening to music. He told me how he wanted to be here for me – to share in the burden of my illnesses. For such a long time, I was used to fighting things alone and that was taking its toll on our relationship.
The problem is that we’re both listeners. When we hurt, we both turn inward and crave isolation over interacting with others. I tend to do this with physical pain or when I’m dealing with a Post-Traumatic Stress episode. I may not always be in the best headspace, but it’s usually something that passes quickly.
TJ’s major depression doesn’t operate like that.
In recent years, he’s been able to start sharing more about what he’s facing. Often, though, I have to pull information out like dentists pull teeth. Each nugget of information sits there waiting for these invisible verbal pliers that, combined with reassuring snuggles, finally get the job done.
Every time his depression gets worse, so does my physical pain. Naturally, I haven’t shared that with him because it would be easy to use that as an excuse to avoid sharing… well, it could be if TJ was married to someone who couldn’t read him well.
When TJ shares things with me freely and openly, it changes the dynamics of our relationship. We stop being two people trying to protect each other by denying what we’re each facing. Instead, like adults, we accept each other’s illnesses and try to help where we can.
If that’s not the best reason to be more forthcoming with our own personal struggles, I don’t know what is.
Make sure to check out Lene’s piece, When Strong Gets In The Way. If you missed our Facebook Live, you can always watch it below:
My wonderful friend Lene Andersen is hosting a FB Live this Sunday. We’ll be talking about the topic ‘How to Stop Being So Damn Strong with Chronic Illness.’
Come join us at 3 pm Eastern/12 Pacific on Lene’s FB page.
Sorry this is late this month! I was trying to work way too many jobs. One project is done and I’m back to being human.
Month:
Day/week:
Have you ever considered BDSM – bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism? For some people, it’s not something they want to even entertain the idea of. But, practices inspired by it could help to liberate anyone disabled and unable to enjoy sex in a conventional way. Francesca from inclusive sex aid website, The Pleasure Garden, explains all.
Check out the upcoming Crip Bits FB live: